Toy Story 3
“Forky is the incarnate manifestation of everything that God despises,” explained Pastor Deacon Fred from his hospital bed. “The hell-bound liberals that created this abomination will stop at nothing until our innocent children are indoctrinated by the whispering lisps of this deceitful little demon."
AVATAR
The demonic characteristics of
the Na'vi become obvious when one pays close attention. Their thick
lips, suspicious hair styles, tight hind-sides and seductive tails, are
all too noticeable to the Christ centered man
Where the Wild Things Are
Years ago, a father entered
his son's room to find him sitting in bed wearing a bunny outfit. The
boy was naked below the waist, his back supported by several pillows.
When daddy came closer, he could see his son had a copy of the book, Where the Wild
Things Are, cinched between his naked knees...
The Twilight Series
When I learned that Cindy Reynolds lied to her parents in order to attend a Picture House where this vampire
movie, Twilight, was showing, I called the theater owner and had him shut down the show.
UP
It
goes without saying, but we'll say it anyway: If the sight of an old man
with balloons in a confined space, alone with a little boy doesn't raise
every anointed hair on your Godly neck, then you need to check yourself
into a Baptist Mental Hospital!
Beverly
Hills Chihuahuas
We really
want to make this film mandatory viewing for our church members who have
hired Mexican help over the years," says Pastor Deacon Fred. "Sure, we
all have a pretty good hunch about where steaming
pile of poop on our new living room carpet came from, but this movie
is about more than assuaging our suspicions...
Read More>
Religulous
Help Jesus
re
ach the Unsaved! Stop them from seeing the movie, Religulous.
Download this important flyer! Post it in every video rental store
across our nation where churchgoers can see it!
Read More>
Speed
Racer
With Nicole
Ritchie perpetually facing jail time, the producers wisely selected the
sexually confused lollipop-head Christina Ricci for Speed’s incestuous
love interest. The movie even hints that Speed is involved with his
pre-pubescent brother, “Straddle...”
Read More>
Iron Man
We've
basically got ourselves a mild-mannered-man who overdoses on Viagra.
Iron Man is named for his enormously taught and giant tally whacker
which is used to knock out villains with a quick gyration of his hips.....
Read More>
The Golden Compass
We now live
in a world where we have to constantly worry about our children being
presented with abhorrent, new ideas that are slightly different than the
stuff our parents forced us to believe. Since, according to the soon to
be drummed out of town nitwits at the local court, we can't ban The
Golden Compass...
Read More>
Spiderman 3
Spiderman
is promoting the glorification of woman on arachnid intercourse. They
use the same perverted temptation that has been used for hundreds of
years through the fairy tale false promise of the princess and the
frog....
Read More>
Fantastic
4
Hollywood is
always trying to steal ideas from the Holy Bible, but they never quite
get it right! Download a free educational flyer and hand it out to
unsaved pop-corn munchers attending the new Fantastic 4 movie....
Read More>
Superman
Returns
Friends, the whole premise
of this movie will rankle any person of faith. As True Christians™, we
only believe in one flying superhero. And He doesn't wear a skimpy
bikini -- Superman's is so tight you can see if his genital herpes is in
remission...
Read More>
Rated
X-Men 3
If only
American children would get their feet hot for Jesus and put their
allowance in the offering plates on Sunday, instead of saving it up to
sneak out and see movies that display obscenely attractive men and
OK-looking women in tight leotards...
Read More>
The
DaVinci Code
Sister Betty Bowers
Reviews: "The Da Vinci Code
is a wildly contrived story about how the forbidden love between Jesus
and Mary Magdalene, the Brad and Angelina of Judea!"
Read More>
King
Kong
Some of you present here
today are old enough to remember when Pastor Deacon Brooks was standing
in this same pulpit nearly 71 years ago talking about a movie called
"King Kong," and how it rhymed with "Dong," which
was a buzzword in the homosexual community for "male
genitalia," back in the 1930's...
Read More>
Chicken
Little
I'm going to get to the
bottom of this Chicken Little nonsense. Do you know that I saw a
poster outside the theater advertising the film and it looked like there
was a stalk of corn protruding from an animated hiney on it?
Read More>
The
Corpse Bride
Visiting a graveyard,
finding a tombstone with a name on it that makes your willy tingle,
unearthing the rotting corpse thereunder and engaging in unmentionable
acts of carnality once you have the body above ground...
Read More>
The
Incredibles
I took my grandson, Willy,
to see the new film, The Incredibles, thinking there was no way the
homosexual animators in Hollywood were going to ruin a super hero movie
with their lewd smut. Brothers in Christ Jesus, was I ever wrong...
Read More>
The
Village
A community of True
Christians™ surrounded by a dense forest filled to the brim with bloodthirsty
Wiccans. Sound familiar? It could be the Landover Baptist
Church – or any Christian community throughout the land.
But in this case...
Read More>
Passion
of the Christ:
I want you to print out
these flyers and nail them to the doors of unsaved family homes with the
same authentic replica gold-plated 9-Inch-Nails that the mean old
hairy Jews drove through Jesus' innocent snow-white limbs...
Read More>
Return
of the King:
“The special effects made us
think we were really witnessing the Second Coming,” observed Brother
Harry Hardwick, who sat near the front of the theater and continuously
compared the action to the passages of Revelation in his pocket KJV...
Read
More>
Elf:
When that big queer elf's head
popped up on my TV screen, I thought the homos had taken over the world!
It made my blood boil! We can't turn our heads for one...
Read
More>
Matrix
Revolutions:
An innocent young Baptist boy
tries to plug himself into the Matrix by inserting his penis into a lamp
socket...
Read
More>
Finding
Nemo:
Instead of running around looking for a little fish named Nemo,
why don't you try finding Jesus? You unsaved morons!
Read
More>
Bruce
Almighty:
Universal
Studios Pays Jim Carrey $20 Million to Squat Down and Poop on the Holy Bible.
Creating a film that purposely spits a runny phlegm ball of blasphemy...
Read
More>
The
Matrix Reloaded:
If we need any reminder of the threat that the Polish
Catholics who made this movie pose to our American values, we need look no
further than...
Read
More>
Daredevil:
Daredevil is unambiguously clear
from the title and posters intended to mock every Christian with the
fact that Satan is a flashier dresser than Jesus.
Read
More>
Scooby Doo:
The term, "Scooby Doo," was adopted by
homosexuals in the late 1970's. "Scooby Doo" is Sodomite slang for
"feces roll." There is no easy way of saying this, but...
Read
More>
Ice Age:
The Bible doesn't mention any ice age, so SHUT UP ABOUT IT!
Read
More>
The Two Towers:
Christian Moviegoers beware!
"The Two Towers" is homo slang for "erect Hobbit penises!"
Read More>
Harry
Potter:
All True Christians™ believe
that Harry Potter books challenge both saved and unsaved children to create
demonically inspired worlds in their innocent little heads...
Read More>
Monsters Inc.:
Jewish actor, Billy Crystal,
stars as a talking green testicle in the new Disney film, Monster's
Inc...
Read More>
Jurassic Park III:
Being a True Christian®, I
have devoted my life to things that don’t necessarily make a lot of
sense. As such, I wistfully continue to hope that Hollywood will one day...
Read
More>
Planet of the Apes:
If you place a group of apes
together in a room with a Steady Cam for what seems like an eternity, will they
eventually create a movie? Apparently not...
Read More>
Tomb
Raider:
Everyone knows that angels
are the only ones who have the authority to raid a tomb and help
themselves to jewelry. Satan knows that too, and when he cast this movie...
Read More>
Hannibal:
Whoso eateth my
flesh, and drinketh my blood, hath eternal life; and I will raise him up at the
lst day. For my flesh is meat indeed, and my blood is drink indeed. John
6:54-55
Read
More>
The
Grinch:
But make no
mistake, friends. This so-called “Grinch” is the very same
beast that tempted our Lord. And now he is back, tempting your
children to...
Read
More>
Castaway:
If you want
to spend 2 1/2 hours watching a dirty naked man with an unkempt beard walking
around a deserted island, then this movie is for you...
Read
More>
Blair
Witch 2:
Blair Witch 2 is truly
a moral breakthrough for Hollywood. The hidden theme of the movie is that
physical and mental disaster befalls those who defy God's word...
Read
More>
The
Patriot:
Yes, 1776 was a
glorious and Godly time in our now secular and pornographic land!
Everyone memorized their Bible and knew their place. Nevertheless, there
are...
Read
More>
Dinosaur:
No
one alive today has ever seen a dinosaur, since God killed them all the
Flood. But this doesn’t stop Hollywood from making most of them
look like big male sex organs...
Read
More>
Gladiator:
A film that manages to
be crafty without craft, is littered with offensive antifamily propaganda and a
level of vulgarity not commonly seen outside of Nevada...
Read
More>
American
Psycho:
Alfred
Hitchcock’s “American Psycho” is nothing more than a perverted
sequel to his pornographic love letter to cross-dressing from almost
forty years ago...
Read
More>
Man
on the Moon:
This movie provides no
evidence of people living on other planets. Instead, this is merely
another liberal movie glorifying the lives of people possessed by demons...
Read More>
Toy
Story 2:
Buzz Lightyear
is no longer a battery powered spaceman, but is a turbo-activated
hand-held rectal-stimulator with two rotating heads worthy of Black
& Decker...
Read
More> |
