Freehold, Iowa - Landover Baptist Pastor Deacon Fred was hospitalized last Sunday after suffering a mild heart attack while preaching about Disney’s latest leftist propaganda film, Toy Story 4.  “Brothers and Sisters in Christ!” Pastor screamed from the pulpit. “There’s a lewd little demon in this movie named after Satan’s favorite utensil!  GOES BY THE NAME OF FORKY! This perverted imp has a tattoo on his foot!" Pastor exclaimed. "Well, we all know from Leviticus that God forbids tattoos! But what drives me into a demon stomping frenzy is that IT’S A RAINBOW TATTOO!”  

 “The blood vessels on Pastor’s bald head had swollen up to the point of bursting,” recalls parishioner Mrs. Lydia Gladstone. “The last thing he screamed before passing out, covered in a pool of his own sweat was, 'IT’S THE SAME RAINBOW THE HOMOSEXUALS STOLE FROM SWEET NOAH!’”

Earlier this year, the Board of Deacons provided Landover’s Department of Creation Science with a $2.5 M. grant from the National Republican Federation to conduct extensive research into the liberal, left wing origin of Toy Story 4.  After interviewing a Christian cartoonist who provided Creation Scientists with a bootleg copy of the movie after being fired from Disney for refusing to share his office with a homosexual, Pastor was made aware of their findings.

“I want to assure churchgoers we’re not glossing over the obvious sexual content on the surface of Toy Story 4,” said Dr. Johnathan Edwards. He was referring to several scenes where the main character, Woody and Satan’s favorite utensil, Forky, watch CNN all day share effeminate hugs, sexually suggestive sniffing and pecking one another on the cheek.  “As a True Christian, watching Woody and Forky hug each other immediately made me wonder what both characters would look like unclothed, engaged in lewd sexual activity,” Edwards said. “This sort of amoral garbage has become so commonplace in Disney cartoons, it doesn’t take a Creation Scientist to see it. You just have to remember to pray after watching it because overexposure to this sort of filth could turn you queer pretty darn quick.”

What bothered Christian experts more than anything else after researching Toy Story 4 however, was the carefully crafted character, “Forky.”  Quite obviously named after the Devil’s favorite utensil, but not so obvious to the untrained Christian and Biblically illiterate unsaved person is the fact that Forky was purposely designed by Disney with the ultimate goal of desensitizing children into believing everything God Almighty considers offensive to be completely normal.

“Forky is the incarnate manifestation of everything that God despises,” explained Pastor Deacon Fred from his hospital bed. “The hell-bound liberals that created this abomination will stop at nothing until our innocent children are indoctrinated by the whispering lisps of this deceitful little demon." Pastor was shown the Toy Story 4 Forky info-graphic created by the Landover Baptist Department of Creation Science and ordered it to be placed on the church web site. In addition, he ordered the info-graphic be distributed immediately to Baptist church leaders across the country and to have one sent to President Trump’s personal email address with a follow-up phone call in hopes he would highlight it on his Twitter feed.

“Whether Forky represents a  retarded child, a sodomite, a cripple or crookbackt, broken boned, or even a lily white child with the lips of a coal colored black boy, one thing is clear:  He was forged in the flames of hell, deceitfully crafted by leftists with the ultimate goal of persuading True Christian American children that it is “A-OK” to look or act like someone God despises and risk spending eternity in Hell, forever separated from our loving Lord,” concluded Pastor.

If you are a piece of unsaved human trash or simply a Presbyterian who is not familiar with the Holy Bible,  each verse referencing Forky’s specific anti-Christian traits from the infographic above are detailed below.

DETAILS ON FORKY'S SINFUL CHARACTERISTICS AS DETAILED IN THE HOLY BIBLE

Go Doesn’t Like Forked Heads
“Abstain from all appearance of evil.” (1 Thessalonians 5:22)

God Forbids Tattoos
“Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you.” (Leviticus 19:28)  

Are There Mentally Retarded People In Heaven?
The Bible is not specific about whether mentally retarded people go to Heaven, but it is clear that anyone who does not have the mental capacity to sincerely accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior will perish (go to Hell) “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” (John 3:16)  

God Won’t Let Blind, Flat Nosed, Broken Footed, Broken Handed, Dwarves, Crookbackts, Those with Crushed Testicles, Scurvy, Scabbed, Lame, or Eye Blemished People Near Him:
“For whatsoever man [he be] that hath a blemish, he shall not  approach: a blind man, or a lame, or he that hath a flat nose, or any thing superfluous, Or a man that is brokenfooted, or brokenhanded, Or crookbackt, or a dwarf, or that hath a blemish in his eye, or be scurvy, or scabbed, or hath his stones broken; No man that hath a blemish of the seed of Aaron the priest shall come nigh to offer the offerings of the LORD made by fire: he hath a blemish; he shall not come nigh to offer the bread of his God.” (Leviticus 21:17-23)  

Effeminates and Homosexuals Won’t Go to Heaven
“Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,” (1 Corinthians 6:9) “If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.”

God Forbids Mixing of the Races
“And whereas thou sawest iron mixed with miry clay, they shall mingle themselves with the seed of men: but they shall not cleave one to another, even as iron is not mixed with clay.” (Daniel 2:43)  “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?”  (Corinthians 6:14,)  “Neither shalt thou make marriages with them; thy daughter thou shalt not give unto his son, nor his daughter shalt thou take unto thy son” (Deutronomy 7:3-4)