Landover Wins National Christian Truth or Tolerance Campaign by Turning Away 235% More People in 2002

"From the uttermost to the guttermost," recalls Pastor Deacon Fred, "our godly church proudly turned away so many lost, pathetic souls last year we lost count around April. I don't know if it is the failing economy we inherited from that sex maniac Bill Clinton, but we saw a huge increase this year in filthy, hungry ragamuffins pounding on our imported African ebony church doors. We've also had famous so-called dignitaries try to slip past our security, too. It just makes my blood boil when I think of all the sloppy trash, claiming to want to know Jesus and they have the effrontery to show up in our spotless sanctuary without a coat and tie."