POOP-CHUTES, TALLYWHACKERS AND HOO HOLES:
A Baptist Guide to Sex
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are struggling with VERY serious temptations. If you found
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Thank You.
Please click on each link below to read unique articles that
will assist you with your daily Baptist temptations.
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 Is Breastfeeding a Gateway Sin?
"What needs to happen here, is to just do away with breastfeeding
altogether," said Pastor Deacon Fred. "Poor young Christian boys are
being weaned into oral gratification from infancy and the whole thing
just stinks like the devil's hiney...
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RECTUMS: The Resort of Choice for Well-Traveled Demons!
"After some scientific experiments with assorted vegetables and a cantaloupe in the privacy of my apartment, I still don't know exactly how much needs to be inserted in the rectum before it starts feeling good," says Creation Scientist Dr. Andrews.
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ORAL SEX: A Dangerous New Trend!
Creation research on oral sex was started about a year ago when Pastor Horace Wilkins of Freehold, Iowa, through means his son is now reconciled with, once acquired some of his boy's own semen in the middle of the night, and used a tongue-depressor and a large eye-dropper to splash torrents of the gooey liquid down a bullfrog's gullet.
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The Bible Sex Quiz: Part I
What sex acts are most
offensive to God? Does God have any particular sexual requirements for
women? Take the Bible Sex Quiz and view the Scripture verses that
provide Bible-based answers to these questions...
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Images And Read This Full Article>>
TAMPONS: Satan's Little Cotton Fingers!
"The young
woman was trying to buy tampons," Mrs. Crockett said, barely able to
hold back tears. "I snatched that girl by the hair and pulled her
outside... there were children present! Can you imagine how they'd...
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YOGA: A Religion for Sex Addicts
Creation Science
teaches us that "Yoga" is a religion that sprang forth from the corrupt
roots of sexual depravity in the 1960's. A time when godless long-haired
liberals were running around our country trying to get people to turn
their backs on Christ and...
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Pastor Orders Christian Men to Think Only About Jesus While Masturbating
"While the Bible does not outlaw masturbation, it severely restricts the
circumstances under which it may occur," noted Pastor Deacon Fred.
The first restriction is that no Landover gentleman will be permitted
to...
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Bibles to be Published With Parental Advisory Labels
Liberals are screaming bloody
murder again over the accidental death of a Landover Baptist child whose
sweet innocent faith in Scripture sent him home to Jesus with
third-degree burns after attempting to re-enact a scene from the
Bible...
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Sex-Free Bible Spurs Controversy
“It is beyond question that the
Holy Bible, in unedited form, is simply not appropriate for children,”
observed Montrose in testimony to the Board. The unabridged Bible is
loaded with passages describing in detail such disgusting...
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How to be Ladylike and Christian - At the Same Time!
Now it is time to talk about perhaps the most difficult aspect of being
Christian and female – how to manage to be a lady as well.
Let’s face it, gals.
The Bible doesn’t give us much wiggle room...
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Don't Get Caught on the Toilet When Jesus Comes Back!
Jesus is not going to accept
any silly excuses. He is not a liberal, nor is He a scientist or modern
doctor! He is the Son of God, and his favorite remedy for curing
everything is to burn everyone who doesn't do exactly what He...
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Take Back Valentine's Day: Get a Heart on For Jesus!
Valentine's Day has always been
nothing more than a shameless celebration of promiscuity. In grade
schools throughout the land, six-year-olds are encouraged to fill their
classmates' shoeboxes with sexually predatory demands like...
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Role of Women Bible Quiz
What is a woman's role in
church? Is a wife permitted to follow her own conscience? Crack open
your Bible to find the answers to...
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Hackers for Jesus Crash 300 Porno Sites!
Satan got cyber-slammed this
week when Landover Baptist hackers raided over 300 of America's most
explicit "special interest" pornography websites. 81-year-old Helen
Floribunda, group leader for the 17 hackers recruited for the "Scat
and...
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Landover Baptist's New Concentration Campus for Divorcees
"If we expect
the unsaved to live by the Bible, it seemed like a good idea for
Christians to finally start doing that, too. And the Bible is clear --
no divorce."...
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Read Full Article>>
Age of Allowatory Masturbation Lowered to 65
"Therefore now let your hands be strengthened." (II Samuel 2: 7a)
In this verse, King David is talking to Saul (aged 65) giving him advice
on how to go on about his life after the loss of his beloved bride. This
is the key verse in determining...
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Images And Read Full Article>>
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