Kids, Pack Your Guns. It's Time For Vacation Bible Camp!
Please do not send food to camp with your child. Each child will be given a satchel of dried locusts to serve as a Bible trail mix. Other than that, understand that your child is attending Bible camp to learn post-apocalyptic techniques on how to...
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Sissy Boy Caught Playing With Dolls
In accordance with Landover's Biblical school guidelines, Geoffrey's schoolmates will be commanded to continue to taunt, trip, slap and spit upon him to encourage him to see the error of his evil lifestyle choice. The child's image will also be placed...
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Christian Kids Want to Know: Did the Lord Jesus Get Zits?
"Yet Jimmy, you should know that later in life, Jesus turned His dermatological affliction into a strength - using His cystic pustules as a mighty shield with which He repelled the cheap, open-legged Jewesses who stalked Him tirelessly...
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American Children Are Trying to Masturbate With Electronic Abdominal Exercise Machines!
"What really disturbs us most," said Creation Scientist, Dr. Jonathan Edwards, "is that at the very beginning of the instruction booklet it states, 'Read this manual thoroughly before you begin.' There is no question that that statement is both malicious and deliberate."...
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How to Rear a Child
Heather Hardwick's Heart and Head Healthy Habits Part III. Assuming the child isn’t too demonic, and only occasionally misbehaves, you are nonetheless allowed and obliged to beat the stuffing out of it with a rod. No less than three verses in...
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Is My Christian Child in Trouble?
Is your child wearing his hat sideways? Is he or she wearing loose or baggy fitting pants and referring to his bedroom as a crib...
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Rugrats: Television For Pedophiles
Everything about this show appeals to the most prurient of interests. The surname of most of the show’s characters is “Pickles,” which is a euphemism for the male genitalia (along with “Sprout,” the nickname given to the...
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3-Year-Old Hates Jesus, Wishes Everyone Was Dead
The boy was immediately rushed to the Landover Baptist "Christian Crisis Center" where he was prayed over and slapped about the face for nearly 12 hours. Concerned pastors were appalled when the child refused to...
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Does God Send Bears to Kill Little Children?
The Lord sending bears to maul young children to death is nothing new to True Christians who have memorized their Bible! Saved folks know...
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Homeschooling Are Children Project
Mrs. Billy (Tammy-Jo) Jenkins, Christain Homemaker and Proud Homeschooler, has initiated a project by which students will be 'Homeschooled' in an environment free of the Devil's influences. The "Homeschooling...
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We'd Like to Purchase Your Child
This is a tough economy.  We understand that people are suffering because of what Bill Clinton did, and sadly, American families will continue to suffer for many years until President Bush can fix the mess...
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Nancy Boy Chrissy, The Bed Wetting Sissy
This beautifully illustrated book tells the story of Christopher Pansy, a 12-year old boy who is gayer than a May Pole. He is a constant humiliation to his normal, Christian parents. While other boys...
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Rappers Are Recruiting Innocent Christian Children Into the Negro Lifestyle!
"Modern colored folks have developed a language all their own," one religious report concludes. "To the educated person it sounds like a combination of grunts and screeches," the report continues, "but they seem to be able to understand each other."  To make...
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Will Jesus Sling Little Children Into Hell For Celebrating Halloween?
Quite frankly, the answer is, absolutely yes! The Bible teaches us that Jesus Christ is very choosy when it comes to picking people to live with Him for eternity. Why else would He refer to His...
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The Make Believe World of Harry Potter is Driving Children to the Edge of Insanity
The entire premise of each book rests in the anti-Christian notion that the sissified lifestyle is to be glorified and accepted by all. They make sissies out to be heroes, and encourage children to escape into their own private make-believe worlds...
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Pastor Exposes Perverted Little Cartoon Character
“I found out about this disgusting little yellow cartoon character, quite by accident,” said Pastor Deacon Fred.  “I was laying on the couch with my grandson, and must have fallen asleep, so he was unmonitored...
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Book Burning Safety Tips
A graphical chart from the Landover Baptist Center for Christian Child Safety...
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