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February 2003
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Satan Pinches a Loaf and
Calls it a Movie: DAREDEVIL True Christian™ Film Review
Usually, Hollywood’s favorite method
for luring unsuspecting youngsters into signing a lifetime
contract with Satan is to subliminally suggest hints of hot
and sweaty homosexual abandon in the hopes of leading
curious and aroused tykes into a life
of depravity and expensive personal lubricants.
Oftentimes it isn’t until a red-blooded American
boy reaches his
later years and finds himself running around in a
Frederick's of Hollywood sheer ocelot negligee that he
finally realizes, “Good Lord!
I’m prancing around like
a concubine for Satan!”
This time around, however, Hollywood isn’t wasting
any time planting the seeds of homosexual lust, like they
did with coyly erotic “The
Lord of the Rings." No, this time around, the film
industry has dropped a filthy, noxious bombshell
that brazenly and openly invites young children not only to
accept Satan as their Lord and personal Savior, but to also revere
him as a hot looking super hero.
It’s almost unbelievable, isn’t it?
But it’s absolutely true! Lucifer must be getting
restless, as he sees more children turning their lives over
to Christ every day to enlist as young Christian soldiers in
the war on terror.
It must worry the Great Deceiver that America's youth
are so filled with the Holy Spirit that in backyards
throughout this great land little boys and girls are playing
"Kill
the Allah-loving Sand-Negro."
But Satan is not playing any games with his latest
film, my friends. Hearken
unto these words, True Christian™ brethren:
The movie, Daredevil is nothing more than an
open invitation for young toddlers to enlist in the
Devil’s army of Junior Satanists, drink a bowl of warm
goat's blood, and become soft on foreigners and the United
Nations!
There is no attempt to mute the evil
message of this film. Daredevil
is unambiguously clear from the title and posters intended
to mock every Christian with the fact that Satan is a
flashier dresser than Jesus.
It’s quite simple really. It’s nothing more than
a fancy updated version of Satan’s biography. His tight red body is right there for the whole world to see
on the silver screen! And
since the old hot demon is too busy to play the role
himself, he picked one of his favorite actors, Ben Affleck
to fill his shoes and wear his hair. In
dating Mexican harlot Jennifer Lopez, it is clear that Mr.
Affleck has sold to Lucifer a pint of his blood in exchange
for a gallon of ink. Like
Whitney Houston screaming for another saucer of
methamphetamine, Mr. Affleck's unquenchable craving for
publicity has left him weak and begging Satan for one more
hit of ink and Jennifer Lopez.
And once you have pretended to date a harpy like that
Latin Zsa Zsa Gabor, there is nothing that can ever slake
your thirst for the cheap, loud, demanding or tawdry.
In other words, Ben Affleck is right where Satan
wants him. Anyone with the perceptive skills of a
gnat knows that Benjamin Afleck has for years been involved
in a depraved relationship with his lifetime “special
friend,” Matt Damon.
Who plays the pitcher and who is the catcher was made
clear when Hollywood featured full-blown shots of Damon’s
naked posterior in The
Talented Mr. Ripley, a seedy biography of Mr.
Damon's shocking life. Naturally, then, Daredevil delights in shoving Mr. Afleck's enormous leather crotch in
the faces of the first thirty rows of the theater. Not since
Chris O'Donnell and George Clooney frolicked as Latex loving
homos in Batman has Hollywood come up with a costume that is
as much of a pansy's wet dream as the slinking red number
Ben Afleck slithers around in.
With thin subtle leather that clings and hugs the
contours of Mr. Affleck's ample groin, it was
not only readily apparent in most scenes that the somewhat
turgid star tends to hang a bit to the right, but
his Judeo-Christian heritage is also readily
ascertainable. Lest there be any doubt of the nancy
boy influence in this production, the director was
obviously instructed by Satan himself to stuff Affleck’s
clothing for a realistic effect.
We are told by our True Christian™ mole in
Hollywood that when Satan could not be directly involved in
the script, the film’s writers consulted the early works
of renown Satanist,
Alister Crowley, to get every detail of the Devil’s
updated appearance correct.
It is well known among Creation Scientists that Mr.
Crowley had an intimate homosexual relationship with Lucifer
that lasted nearly three years in Paris between 1894 and
1897. So,
it’s doubtless the Daredevil scriptwriters were
very precise even to the point of getting the exact size,
shape and aroma of Satan’s alluring genitalia correct. It’s a slap in the face to every living Christian in America that Hollywood is making this trash available to the public. How long will we have to stand for this sort of persecution? When will Jesus return and cook the Hollywood Jews responsible for this garbage in His great oven of fire? How long will our children have to be subjected to films such as this, where Satan openly displays his true colors as a champion to hell bound liberals and demoncrats. I bet the Devil is cackling like a hyena as he watches himself in this film! A sneaky lawyer who bashes hard-working Americans and defends poor, lazy criminals! Are you living in Massachusetts, Satan? You probably have your own law office right there in Boston, surrounded by your Catholic servants! We won’t stand for your defense of worthless trash, nor your love of homos, minorities and paupers! Stand behind us Christian brothers and sisters and say, NO! to this biography Satan in film!
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