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Christmas Gift Alert!
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Tiny Green Penis Found on Grinch Toy!
 Freehold,
Iowa - A quiet family
dinner at the Gillman home turned into a nightmare from Hell on Sunday
evening when little Matthew Jr., age 7, was innocently fiddling between the legs
of his new Grinch toy. After peeling back a clump of soft green hairs, the
little boy's curiosity was quenched when a tiny, but
instantly recognizable, little green penis was revealed to the horror of his 92-year
old grandmother who was holding the boy in her frail lap. Mr. Gillman, a prominent member of
Landover Baptist, told authorities that he heard a gasp and turned his head slightly
to see what Matthew was doing. His eyes were immediately drawn toward two fuzzy green genitals
dangling suspiciously between the inviting green thighs of the Grinch doll he bought for his
son at Wal-Mart this Christmas. "My stomach reacted instantly, and I threw up on
my wife," he said. "But that wasn't what squirted on my grandson's
precious little face."
The family called church security officers and they arrived shortly thereafter to remove the toy. It was quarantined for two days before a team of Landover Baptist media experts could have a close look at it. "Make no mistake," reported Landover Baptist Creation Scientist, Dr. Jonathan Edwards, "This is not just a tangle of sticky little green hairs. This is a sex organ! Grinch genitalia! It was willfully crafted by wicked hands and appears to be 'part' of the toy itself." Pastor Deacon Fred spoke at a news conference the next day. "We have some sick minds in Hollywood, folks. I think this abomination is from some old Disney movie and probably a Disney product, so you can bet some homosexual is behind it." As a result of the incident, the Gillman family was forced to pay a
$5,000 fine/tithe to the church since they had in their possession a product
from a Disney film.
"They (Disney) told us that the Gillman family saw a one-eighth inch plastic "flashing" where the two torso pieces of the toy are joined. This open admission is a victory for True Christians!" Pastor Deacon Fred declared to church members the following Sunday. "The manufacturer is telling us in 'legal talk' that they had purposely designed the toy for 'flashing' little children with its nasty gangrenous penis!" True Christians nationwide are poised to boycott any stores carrying this obscene, satanic toy. "Sadly, President, Barack Obama will do nothing about this, and doesn't take anything like this seriously because he is too busy killing babies, marrying homosexuals, and worshipping the watered down, Oprah Winfrey version of Jesus to understand what really matters to Americans," said Pastor Deacon Fred. "So it is up to us Real Americans™ and the folks at Focus on the Family to get the word out about this nonsense." Please help Landover stop toy stores from carrying this disgusting piece of merchandise. Send us a check or money order of $100 or more by clicking here. Please note that a percentage of your donation will go toward supporting the Tea Party Candidate of our choice in the 2012 Presidential campaign.
The Landover Baptist website is not intended to be viewed by anyone under 18 |
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