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Freehold, Iowa - At this year’s Vacation Bible Gun Camp, Landover Baptist Youths will assemble cages for Mexican children as part of an outreach ministry to help homeless Mexican boys and girls on the border who have been separated from their parents.

“At first, we thought this whole border nonsense was fake news but we discovered through reliable hearsay that Mexican children are living in squalor down there,” says Landover Baptist Pastor, Deacon Fred. “When our youths found out about it, they wanted to do something to help out.”

On Sunday morning Pastor told church members, “As True Christians™, our children grow up learning that - like canines, Mexicans spend ninety-five percent of the day sleeping. For the short periods while awake, they take to pooping on the ground, rolling in their own feces or prancing about bare footed - looking for anything to put in a taco shell. Although Creation Scientists have proven beyond any doubt that Mexicans behave mostly like animals, that doesn't mean they can't be domesticated through the love of Christ,” Pastor said. “Even though the Bible condemns them, unfortunately, we are still called upon to bear witness by trying to help,” he continued. “Don’t ask me to figure it out - it’s the Lord’s logic. If it was up to me, I just as soon see their brown heads bobbing like buoys in the lake of fire.”

“We had a missionary in Mexico last year,” Pastor continued, “tells me he looked down to see one of them little Mexican kids sniffin’ up on his tally-whacker, barking gibberish, growling like a dog. Before he could whack him over the head with his Bible the boy pulled out his uncircumcised giblet and urinated all over his expensive pants,” Pastor said. “Things are getting worse down there even now, I think - especially for the helpless youngsters who are out from under the protection of their parents’ sombreros sleeping under the hot sun in chicken wire cages all day.”

“It was an epiphany when it clicked to connect our Bible Gun Camp kids with Cages for Christ. This annointed kenneling ministry already works closely with animals, providing church members with comfortable cages for their pets and Wiccan Hunters with holding kennels during Wicca Hunting Season,” says Pastor.

Cages for Christ will provide Landover Baptist youths with the materials needed to build cushioned cages, adhesive piddle pads, along with soap, Purell and scoopers to send along with our missionaries on their perilous soul-winning trip to the border in August. Materials sent with the cages should be enough to prevent most life threatening diseases for up to two weeks.

“We’re asking campers to clip photos of Mexican children out of National Geographic or just get a photo of a short haired monkey or something so they can pretend to adopt someone they are building a cage for,” says Bible Gun Camp Counselor, Horace Wilkins.

“These cages will be used as vessels to further God’s message!” Pastor assured church members on Sunday morning. “As True Christians™ we know there ain’t no such thing as free. This is a perfect opportunity to teach these rebellious little brown folks something about Jesus and what it means to be a real American,” he said. “So, we are including in each padded kennel, a 1611 KJV Bible in God’s English along with a package of self addressed stamped offering envelopes. Each Mexican child can show the Lord how much they really want to be an American by learning enough English to accept Christ as their Personal Savior and then to take that first step in their new faith by sending weekly financial love offerings to Landover Baptist Church. The financial blessings we receive through Cages for Christ will be used to purchase ammunition and firearms for children of Tin-Wing Tithers attending next summer’s Vacation Bible Gun Camp ministry.