Stacey-Lynn,
The Bible is certainly full of wonderful amazing facts, but accepting
the fact that folks lived to be over 800 years old is a whole lot easier
to swallow than believing that every single man in the Old Testament
walked around town with giant donkey-sized tallywhackers and balls the
size of grapefruits! Good Heavens! It might explain why they
wore robes back then, though! Can you imagine trying to stuff a
donkey dong into a pair of Wrangler jeans?
Stacey-Lynn, what you need to understand is the context of the verse
you are quoting. Ezekiel 23:19 teaches us that a woman
"played the harlot in the land of Egypt." So,
this whole giant donkey dong situation you are so curiously puzzled
about was localized to Egypt-land. You see?
I've heard liberals, like Presbyterians and Methodists try to argue
that men in Egypt were running around with donkey tallywhackers flappin'
between their legs because of some collateral effect from one of God's
plagues during the time of Moses. They say it was sort of like the
things that happened to the folks in Chernobyl - where God punished
Communist children by giving them extra appendages and nipples on their
thumbs because their parents used nuclear devices without His blessing
from the United States of America.
But all of that's hogwash, see? Stupid liberals wouldn't have to
waste their time trying to make sense of anything at all if
they'd just read the King James 1611 Bible! In fact, you
wouldn't even be asking me a question about men with donkey penises if
you weren't reading
the pornographic 2010 New International version of the Bible!
Shame on you, Stacey-Lynn! Shame!
After you read this letter, you need to burn that Bible! I
am also going to call your parents and find out who gave it to you, and
when I do, that person will be reported to the police for distributing
pornography to a minor!
Stacey-Lynn, The King James 1611 version of the Bible, or as I like
to call it, the Real Bible™, doesn't use the word, genitals
(as you quoted) in Ezekiel 23:20. It uses the word,
flesh. The Real Bible™ says:
"...she doted upon their paramours, whose flesh is as the
flesh of asses, and whose issue is like the issue of horses."
So, the fact is - according to Real Bible™, Egyptian men had
some mighty hairy hineys in their day! And they pranced around
like horses, neighing whenever any issue came up!
God's word never changes! Take my word for it, Landover
Baptist's first missions trip to Cairo included a visit to an Egyptian
bath house and that's the last time the Lord Jesus Christ ever called
anyone in this church back to Egypt!
Stacey-Lynn, I will be calling your parents as my Godly schedule
permits to set up a counseling appointment with Dr. Edwards to
rehabilitate you from your exposure to the
2010 New International Pornographic version of the Holy Bible.
Sincerely,
Pastor Deacon Fred
CEO
Head Pastor
Landover Baptist Church
