It goes without saying, but we'll say it anyway:  If the sight of an old man with balloons in a confined space, alone with a little boy doesn't raise every anointed hair on your Godly neck, then you need to check yourself into a Baptist Mental Hospital!  It doesn't matter if a man-balloon-boy combo is presented in a book, in a movie, or in real life - as True Christians™, what might seem innocent to the untrained (unsaved) eye, when seen through the Eyes of Christ, calls forth images that could only be described as a potpourri of pedophilia!   This sexually explicit and perverted combination of an old man, balloons, and a little boy is the subject of Disney PIXAR's lewd little new film, Up.  And yes, Christian friends, we are living in the Last Days. So, it shouldn't shock you to hear that Up is rated G and is marketed to your children.

Disney's trickery knows no bounds.  The title of the movie, Up has already confused thousands of Baptist parents who thought it was a Christian film about a little boy and his grandfather who fly off into the sky to try to find Heaven and Jesus.  A lawsuit to refund ticket sales for these duped families is already underway.  Christian media experts at Focus on the Family, and Pastor Deacon Fred from Landover Baptist Church suggest that the film is more about Down than Up. As Pastor explains, "A boy with a balloon is fine, my friends!  But if you throw an old man into the mix, he acts as a pin, which pops the balloon and sends it and every passenger (which includes all those on board to see this film) sailing straight down into the deepest pits of Hell from which there is no return! Glory!"

Some churches, like Landover Baptist are pro-active about educating children about the dangers of seeing the movie, Up.  "We've spent millions of dollars to put together seminars for innocent little Christian children who have been psychologically damaged by not being allowed to see the movie, Up," says Pastor Deacon Fred. "We could fill the Lake of Fire with tears from all the Baptist children who have pleaded with their unwavering parents to see this film!  Disney has dealt a new card from the Devil's deck its time to force their hand!" he continued.  "I don't want them to keep putting these images into my anointed head! Do you? This latest movie, Up has me thinking about wrinkled old man sex!  It's just WRONG!  And all the while them Jewish producers and their fat cartoon artists sit and giggle - drinking a hellish toast to the demons who helped them create this nonsense.

Pastor Deacon Fred explained to church members that he first heard about the movie, Up from his friend, James Dobson. "It wasn't until I got a phone call from Jimmy, who told me - 'Pastor, it looks like we've got a talking dog running around in a new Disney cartoon,' that I even gave this movie a second thought!" Deacon Fred said.  "Even the most Bible illiterate Christians know that snakes and donkeys are the only animals God ever allows to talk. So when we hear a dog doin' anything but barkin', it's time to put ourselves on Red Alert for Jesus!"

It only took ten minutes of reading articles on Wikipedia for Christian experts and the head librarian at Landover Baptist to conclude that the movie, Up is quite possibly the most deceptive film ever created and packaged by demons in Hell. "We were shocked by what we found," said Librarian, Ona Mae Moffit. "When I got past the talking dog and saw a boy with an old man and a whole mess of balloons, I immediately thought "CATHOLIC (PEDOPHILE) Alert!, Seems I was right."

Baptist experts say that the movie, Up might be just a day in church for a typical Catholic. But for a Baptist, a True Christian™ or any conservative American who thinks twice about putting their children into confined spaces alone with old men (who even wear skirts!), it is a shock! "It wouldn't surprise me that this movie was funded by the Roman Catholic Church!" said Pastor Deacon Fred.

Baptist Child Psychologists, after meeting with Pastor Deacon Fred, agree that if a child sees the movie, Up, he could begin to develop an unhealthy curiosity to seek out the company of old men and eventually join the Catholic Church.

HELP FOR CONCERNED CHRISTIAN PARENTS: 

If you are concerned about your child's safety, and have read this informative Christian article about the movie Up, we suggest that before contacting us, one of the first things to look for around your home is an irregular amount of balloons in your child's bedroom.  If you find them, it is a sign that Satan may have taken your child by the hand and skipped off together to see the movie, Up without your knowledge. The good news is, you can still save him before he starts asking about where the nearest Catholic church is!  Please call your nearest Baptist Church! (we are taking calls 24/7 until this film goes to DVD)!  Visit our homepage for more details!