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 Bobby-Joe
Tabor was born into a hell-bound blue collar Catholic family in Butler,
Pennsylvania. A typical sinner he was a registered Demoncrat and foolish enough
to think unions were anything but Satan’s way of destroying America. BJ
married his high school sweetheart Trish and settled down into a sinful,
un-Christian life of hourly work without ever once giving thanks to Jesus for
what he had.
Even in the face of cold scorn from BJ, Christ was not willing to give up on
him. Jesus allowed a demon to possesses BJ’s wife Trish while she was reading
Hilary Clinton’s biography. Driven hopelessly insane, the demonically possessed
Trish attacked Bobby-Joe leaving him almost dead and their apartment on fire.
Our beloved brother in Christ was pulled from the fire by a lily-white angel and
the police apprehended his demon-possessed wife, but not before she went on a
state-wide killing spree which made national headlines in 2001.
After personally experiencing the toxic and deadly effects of liberalism
first hand, Brother BJ realized that Jesus was his only hope. He did a keyword
search for True Christian™ on Google, sent Pastor Deacon Fred a request for a
map to Freehold, Iowa, hopped into his pick-up truck and drove to the promised
land.
After arriving in Freehold, BJ found a wireless connection at the local
Baptist Coffee Shop and took a 4-hour Landover Baptist Accelerated Christian
University degree program on his lap-top computer. 6 Cups of coffee later, at 5
PM that same day, BJ received a Master's Degree in Christian Criminology.
BJ now works as the Supervisor for Landover Pastoral Security Services.
He was granted the title "Honorary Pastor" after contributing his life savings
to the Church and taking a test for accuracy at the Landover Baptist Rifle
Range. BJ now lives quietly with on a six-figure tithe-based salary in a modest
twelve bedroom executive home in Leviticus Landing. As a new believer, BJ
insists on living with minimal Christian necessities, so he suffers for the Lord
with a staff of only five servants, one swimming pool and the back view
overlooking the green on Hole 7 (Par 3) at the Landover Regional Golf and
Country Club.
When his work permits BJ loves to help unsaved folks found loitering around
the Church campus gates learn to appreciate Christ’s love by taking them on
intervention hunting trips through the woodlands and mountainous regions of
Freehold, Iowa. Some of the folks BJ takes on his intervention trips come to
know Jesus as their Savior, some are never heard from again.
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