 In her own words, "I was Born and raised in
Freehold, Iowa to a wonderful True Christian™ family. I was home
schooled and married at 14 to a very wealthy, much older, True Christian™
gentleman, Brother Milbert Johnson.
 Here is Brother Milbert in happier times, on our honeymoon in Hawaii. Doesn't
he look happy!
Unfortunately, a few months later I accidentally killed poor Milbert while
cleaning his gun. He was bending over giving me Hell about how I wasn't
shining the handle properly or something when it went off. It was tragic!
Fortunately, I was cleared of all charges. Thank you JESUS (and Pastor Zeke)!
 Nine months to the day after we were married, Brother Milbert and I had one
son, Tate, but I like to call him Tater, because he's as cute as a little
tater bug! Just look at that face! He's such a good boy. He attends Landover
Middle School and is in the Young Republican Program.
Pastor Zeke is teaching precious little Tater to be an expert marksman and
teaching Tater the fine art of witness and rebuking by taking him along on
Friday Stripper Rebuking. Tater just loves something called "Lap Dances
for the Lord". Isn't that PRECIOUS!
 When I'm not attending GOD'S Favorite Church (LBC of course) I enjoy
entering bake-offs and cooking contest. If a lady can't cook a decent pot
roast she has no business being a True Christian wife! Here is my last winning
entry. GLORY!
Organizing social events, potluck dinners and BBQ's, rebuking sinners,
organizing and attending book burnings, shooing demons, singing in the Ladies
of Landover Choir, witnessing and throwing bibles at homers, lezbeans and gothtards. I am
currently writing
a manual on how to be a good True Christian wife.
 I'm also Freehold's Number One True Christian™ Match Maker. I have personally
been responsible for 3 True Christian marriages in the last 2 years. Here is
the latest happy couple. Obadiah and Lerlene Scroggins (tin Tithers). Aren't
they ADORABLE!"
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