Baptist Church Acquires 1/4 of Iowa

October 1999

The channel of the Mississippi River you see on your right is laced with islands as it flows through a gorge eroded through bluffs in Clayton County. Creation Scientists tell us that, floods from melting glaciers shaped this valley, roughly 400 years ago . This entire area, plus another 800 square miles of wilderness, now belongs to the Landover Baptist Church. For ten thousand years, Iowa -- as a land -- has been content to rest between two mighty rivers, its rich soil thrusting forth bounty unequaled in the world. That's how the first humans found it 200 years ago after they wandered here from the East Coast. Those first humans were Christian Pioneers, Bible believers like Pastor Lewis, and Rev. Clark, who forged out a niche in this godless nation of Savage Indians. It is to them that we dedicate the beginning of a Christian Nation.

DES MOINES AP-- A recent Iowa inter-state business deal gives Fundamentalist Church, Landover Baptist, control of over 825 square miles of the state. 100 of those square miles cover Interstate Highway US 30. Another 400 of those square miles cover 52% of Iowa State farm and livestock. 172 of those square miles cover major ports along the Mississippi River. The 200 or so remaining square miles cover scenic parks, resorts, mountain areas, part of Iowa City, part of Des Moines, and 5 counties. The deal is unprecedented. The Landover Baptist Church owns more square acreage than the Mormon Church. “We will be able to levy taxes and tolls on major highways, and city properties,” Rev. Smith assured, “but we’ll be responsible for maintaining those areas as well.”

---As a result of the business deal, hundreds and thousands of unsaved persons will be escorted out of their homes and off their property. They will be asked to leave immediately if they refuse to submit to the authority of Jesus Christ and the Landover Baptist Church. Residents of Iowa are given two choices: The first, get on your hands and knees and beg for mercy at the foot of the cross, the second, 'get your things together, and leave.' "We will use force if necessary," Pastor Smith assured. "This is God’s country now, and we can’t have it littered up with demonic trash. We want to clean up this quarter of the state and make it into a Christian Empire. It will be the greatest undertaking in the history of Christendom. Putting a smile on the Lord’s face is no easy task, but we think we’ve taken a step in the right direction. When this project is complete, God will stand up and take notice.”

---Landover Baptist will control over 56% of the national wheat and grain supply, allowing them to refuse service or distribution to unsaved parties outside the state. It has always been ‘the land’ that defines Iowa. Even today, when most Iowans live in cities and produce sophisticated products and services of all kinds, the land remains the heart and soul of Iowa. Most church officials at Landover are native to the state, and have finalized this business deal after years of negotiations. "This land is our land," Rev. Deacon Fred remarked, "no longer your land. Our land and God's land."

---3.5 million unsaved persons, including Catholics, Satanists, Presbyterians, Lutherans, Methodists, Christian Scientists, Jehovah’s Witnesses, Sanitation workers, International Grocery Store clerks, Foreign car owners, and the like, have already abandoned their homes and land to the will of God. “People who love the Devil are eager to leave, “ Rev. Smith stated, “This land belongs to the Lord now, everything will be plowed over and labeled ‘Christian.’”