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Halloween History
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Landover Flies in Hundreds of Corpses From
Turkey's Earthquake for This Year's Halloween Hell House
Landover Baptist Halloween
History
This year's Hell House at Landover will prove to be an unparalleled experience of horror. Real Corpses from Turkey's Earthquake that would have been wasted in mass graves, will frozen and delivered to Landover Baptist Church, to be used in the Godly purpose of winning souls! We intend to so traumatize people with images of death and Hell, that they will have no choice by to fall flat on their faces in the conversion tent and repent, get baptized and get their little Devil loving souls into church! Groups of 20-25 people will tour Hell House with their own personal demon acting as their tour guide. The 10 scenes each last 2-3 minutes (with the exception of one scene that now only lasts 30 seconds, in an effort to cut down on all the vomit we had to clean up between groups last year). The following list describes each scene briefly: Scene 1 is a funeral scene of a teenage homosexual boy who has died of AIDS he caught from the ink on the book report graded by his pedophile homosexual Secular-History teacher. His disease-riddled body will be carried to the lake of fire by the Devil himself. Boils and blisters will pop realistic pus from the plague covered face of the sodomite child, while dysentery takes its horrible toll from his exploding buttocks, as he is placed into the lapping flames of eternal damnation. A band of cherubic angels suspended from the ceiling (provided by the kiddies at Landover Kindergarten) will look on, singing the Lord's praise for the Righteous Hand of Justice. Scene 2 is a drunk-driving scene where a father realizes he has just killed his family. He will shoot himself in the head, just grazing his skull (splattering bits of bits of bloody skull on the windshield), and continue shooting bullets into his writhing drunk body until finally he lurches towards the on-lookers causing a spray of warm blood to spattered onto the unsaved crowd. Cackles of hellish laughter will be heard as the drunk's body goes limp and falls onto the floor. Scene 3 will depict the real autopsy of a teen-suicide (We have flown in over 200 real corpses from morgues as far away as Istanbul for this event). The Christian doctor will pull the heart out of a each body and put it in a jar of formaldehyde labeled "Unsaved." Scene 4 is a pre-teenage drug usage scene where everyone will be surprised who is really in control. The Devil will smoke marijuana with a 11 year old little girl. The girl will instantly become "stoned" and scream for the Devil to impregnate her with his unholy Spawn. Given the power of a gorilla by her evil drug, the little harlot will try to overpower the Beast and rape him, only to become violently ill and die of the all too familiar "marijuana overdose" like Janis Joplin and Jimi Hendrix before her! Scene 5 is a riveting abortion scene. Satan will play the role of the Jewish doctor. As the fetus is sucked out of the woman's private area, the devil will open the bottle of bloody chunks and consume it. As the blood drips from the corners of his mouth, he will let out a Hellish burp! He will then smash the bottle on the floor, throw back his head, and let out a ghastly howl!
Before leaving heaven they are given the opportunity to pray a prayer of salvation, and to also visit or pray further with a counselor. If they refuse to accept Christ, they are forced back into Scene 6 where they will enter a hidden door into Scene 6b. In this scene they will witness a deranged lust-filled homosexual raping a live chicken. The chicken will then be be-headed, de-feathered, and cooked. The unrepentant souls will then be given the choice of eating the unholy chicken or going forward to scene 7. If they refuse to eat the chicken, there is another scene, Scene 6c. This scene is the reason for the medical waver forms that an individual must sign before entering Hell House. Unrepentant souls will be beaten and whipped until they confess Christ (come early for preferred seating on the other side of the two-way mirror to witness this miracle of faith). It is an unforgettable 20 minutes. For some, an unforgettable night.
Be assured, that before leaving this year's Landover Baptist Hell House,
unsaved individuals will absolutely recognize their own emptiness and devastation,
and will most certainly ask Jesus to be their Lord and Savior.
To start a Hell house for your own church, please visit: Start your own Hell House
The Landover Baptist website is not intended to be viewed by anyone under 18 |
Freehold, Iowa -
October 1999 - Landover Baptist's
"Hell House" is an outreach event that is structured very much like a typical
haunted house that people visit and walk through. It is the only place
on our 35 square miles of Church campus that unsaved people are welcome
to visit since, after all, without the unsaved there would be no Hell in
the first place. Hell House capitalizes on the High Holiday of nonBaptists, Halloween
(Hebrew for "Satan Ruleth") a time of year when the Devil
celebrates the Fall of man and the rise of Catholicism, and when people
have trickery in their hearts and Satan on their minds. Hell House is much
more than a haunted house. It is a reality-based adventure that takes people
on a 7-scene journey, each scene depicting the hell and destruction that
Satan and His world bestow on those who choose to not accept Jesus Christ
as their Lord and Personal Savior, submit to God's authority, join a Bible-based
church, and participate in and financially support the Baptist faith. Hell
House does not pretend to match the gruesomeness of God's own creation
Hell, which, through thousands of years of practice has been so finely
honed as a place of unimaginable, interminable human sufferings that it
is impossible to duplicate its terrors without the special effects and
DNA-realignments available only to the Lord Almighty Himself. But we at
Landover can guarantee to sure scare the "Hell" into you -- and hopefully
right back out of you -- anyway!
The final two
scenes are hell and heaven. In hell the Tour meets Satan himself. Hell
will be hot, smoky, loud, visually disturbing, and sensually confusing.
Satan will boast that everything they have witnessed in Hell House has
been his handiwork, and that he will have their souls, too. They are then
rescued out of hell by angels and Landover Deacons that escort them to
heaven where they finally meet Jesus. But Jesus will turn to them in a
loud echoy voice and proclaim for all the room to hear: "You think you
have just seen the Hell that awaits you? Ha! Wait till you see what the
Father, me and the Holy Ghost have REALLY cooked up for you! An eternity
of torture so brutal it will make what you have just seen look like a little
fairy picnic! And don't come crying to me when you get there! Landover
Baptist gave you the chance to be saved and you never took it. Never even
picked up a pre-printed tithing envelope conveniently located by each exit!
Get thee Hence you unsaved worthless Sinners!
