About: A team of senior level Landover Pastors and Creation Scientists carefully compiled these questions. So far, we haven’t heard back from Mr. Gibson, but we will keep church members posted with details. 

Five True Christian™ Questions for Mel Gibson

1. We understand that your new film, "The Passion," is going to be in Latin. As a professed Catholic (candle lighting, Pope loving, apparition seeing, bead counter), you are used to attending church services where you have no idea what your so-called skirt-wearing minister is talking about because he is speaking in a different language. Since it is illegal for Catholics to read Bibles, and the Bibles that Catholics use are not really real King James 1611 Bibles anyway, how can people who view your film trust that you are not inserting gobbledly-gook or some kind of a subliminal Satanic message into the audio?

2. Mel, Hello there, this is Pastor Deacon Fred. I just wanted to say that even though you are a Mary Worshipping Catholic and going straight to Hell, the folks at our church appreciate you putting together a historically accurate account of the Crucifixion in your new movie, "The Passion."  We also praise you for showing the truth that the Jews ordered the death of Jesus.  Who else would have done it?  He was claiming to be their Messiah, and they didn't like that, so they killed Him. Any Gentiles present were simply following orders.  In any case, getting to my point, we know you Catholics are fond throwing Jesus up onto the cross every chance you can get, even though he jumped down off of there 2,000 years ago. With this in mind, I'd like to ask you if you intend to stay true to your Catholic roots and focus on the brutal death of Jesus Christ and leave out the part about His resurrection?

3. We understand that your new film, "The Passion," was to be released in late October of 2003. You pushed the release date out to April 2004 because you didn't want American moviegoers to get confused and think it was a Halloween zombie horror film. This leads us to believe that you actually do intend to depict the resurrection (hopefully not like a scene from The Night of the Living Dead) as well as the death of Christ. We have one concern however. We know that you want to attract a younger audience with the film, so can we ask you, how much flesh eating and blood drinking goes on in this film, outside of the Last Supper?

4. Since you are a Catholic, you believe in transubstantiation. This means that whenever you participate in Communion, you actually believe that you are chewing on a piece of Jesus' skin and washing it down with a gulp of His blood. If this is true, how is Jesus going to come back down from heaven in fleshly form, when you Catholics have already eaten most of Him?

5. An important question about your personal character and integrity: You did three movies with that colored man, Danny Glover. On several occasions, you placed your right hand onto his left buttock. This occurred in all three movies, and we have the tapes if you would like to see them. We understand that those actions were not scripted, but placed in there at your request. Are you a homosexual?

 

 

 

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