The Rev. Dr. Jerry Falwell Mask:  Shout Glory on Candler's Mountain! Stuff your shirt and pants with pillows and make your way outside!  Unsaved trick-or-treaters will wet their pants and beg for salvation when they see the creepy old Chancelor of Liberty University waddling up to their door, shouting out Biblical obscenities!  Praise Jesus!

The Righteous Jesse Helms Mask:  For even more fun, take a flourescent orange road cone and put it on your head.  Drape a long white sheet over top of it.  When you knock on the door, pull the sheet up and shout "ARE YOU HIDIN' ANY COLORED FOLKS IN HERE! BRING 'EM OUT!"

The Glorious Sister Taffy Mask:  Put on this mask and run down your neighborhood streets shouting, "TAMPONS ARE SATAN'S LITTLE COTTON FINGERS!" at the top of your lungs.  Watch the little unsaved girls grab their virgin crotches in horror and run off, crying for their mommas!

The Godly John Ashcroft Mask:  Be sure to bring along a bottle of Crisco oil when you go out on Halloween night with this mask! When people ask you who you are, say, "I'm a-pew jumpin', chandelier swingin', tounge-talkin', Pentecostal with a can of annointin oil!  Now bow your head, sinner!

The Judy O'Christian Mask:  Contains ACTUAL BLUE HAIR TINT! Put on your best JC Penny's outfit and run down the street with a jar of pickles under your arm, waving a Bible over your head. Yell, "The Pickle Licker is Gonna GET YOU if you don't say your prayers!"

 

 

 

 

 

---

---