August 2002: Surfin' The Web With Jesus!

August 2002

SURFIN' THE NET WITH JESUS!

Surfin' the Net With Jesus!
August, in the Year of our LORD, 2002

By Judy O'Christian

True Christan® Friends,

I tell you what, Jesus caused such a huge crop of watermelons to grow in my backyard, I've nearby done kilt myself doing what Jesus wants me to do. "Judy," He said to me, "You make them pickled watermelon rinds and send them out all over the world to all the True Christians® who order them by credit card and help your Godly ministry help Me do My Godly work."

Now, I am not about to ignore His will, especially when the alternative is to burn in HELL surrounded by college educated liberals that won't shut up about their stupid so-called "environment." I tell you what, there is only one way to shut them smart-mouth libruls up! And, dear Christian reader, I'm sure you know what I mean.

So, that is why this column is late.

Now, friends, as True Christians®, we must never let up on one thing: we must stop the evil homosexurals from recruiting our children! Listen up, homosexurals! Soon you will be rounded up and forced to stop your unnatural ways! Stop it, you homos! Can't you see we love you?

This is a Christian Nation, and our Godly True Christian brethren are determined to keep it that way. Thank the LORD for our Godly President and his Godly policies. Bush is so much better than that evil Clinton! His vile administration was a true nightmare! Is there anything that's not his fault? NO! Thank the LORD that He put True Christian Republicans® in charge of our nation!

Now Bush and Dick have brought integrity back to the White House. And, thanks to Godly True Christians® like the Sun Myung Moon, owner of the Washington Times, conservative columnists Andrew Sullivan and Ann Coulter, we are spreading the TRUTH in spite of the librul media and their lies and the Godly Republican Party is seeing scores of negroes and spicaninnies join up, join up for JESUS.

Any mention of the Bush administration is incomplete without a tip o' the watermelon rind to our Godly Attorney General, John Ashcroft. Praise the LORD for that man! He is protecting True Christians in America. Ashcroft is a man who reads the Bible every day. Truly, the whole world is benefitting from True Christians. And that's NO THANKS to the libruls! They even want to take prayer out of the schools!

Now, don't be fooled by the librul media--the cheating that caused the accounting scandals and crashes of several huge companies is ALL CLINTON'S FAULT! Those business leaders are True Christians, good, selfless men who go to church. They decided they could start cheating on the books because Clinton was chasing Monica around the White House!

Well, Jesus is calling me back to my picklin', so that's all for now.

Remember, accept Jesus today! Don't get Left Behind!

In Christian Love,

Judy