The Landover Baptist Church in conjunction with the State of Iowa and "Christians for Human Decency" has declared the WWF and all of its affiliates "A Danger to Society." At a press conference last week, Landover pastor, Deacon Fred, called on Christians everywhere to "take up the cross of Jesus." He said,  "You might have to take up that cross and smack a 400lb homo in the head with it, but when they get knocked down, they'll finally know that they are all down for the count when Jesus steps in the ring. Amen." Deacon Fred went on to say, "Change needs to happen at home too. And it is our duty to warn poor, devoted wives that they are married to men who are on the very brink of turning to the fellow seated next to them at the wrestling match and giving into the lusts that destroyed Sodom." 

Noted Christian psychologist, Charles Socarides, is a key figure in leading the fight to dismantle the WWF. "Studies show that  the fans of this so-called "sport" secretly wear women's panties under their blue jeans," he writes,  "They scream at the wrestlers, all the while wishing that these gigantic, sweaty beasts would climb over the rails and carry them off to a 'love nest.' It's sickening, it's unhealthy, and they are targeting children with their message of perversion." 

The WWF is already shaking in its boots. They've decided to remove the term "Smackdown" from  any headline. "They knew full well that the word 'Smackdown' is used in the homosexual community to describe 'a gathering of three or four catty black dragqueens to disparage each other’s clothing and hair," said Christians for Human Decency spokesman, Mark Hines. "What they didn't know, is that we knew it! And now we are letting the world know it."  The WWF is also complying with a petition to remove controversial "holds" or "wrestling moves." The "ear-lobe lick," the "hiney squeeze," and the "lip lock" are the first three of ten "moves" to go.  

"This is going to be a long, hard road." Pastor Deacon Fred notes. "God calls us to force unsaved people to conform to Biblical morality. Fifty years of brainwashing the American public, and turning normal, decent couch potatoes into homosexual time bombs is what we're up against. By the grace of God, we will put an end to this wrestling nonsense before Jesus comes back." He added, "These demon possessed men can sometimes reach heights of over 7 feet.  Some of them weigh over 500 lbs! The Bible tells us that none of this matters. God is not impressed. Remember what happened to that oversized homosexual predator Goliath? The Lord would not allow him to turn little David into his catamite, so David cracked Goliath’s skull open like a hen egg. To Him, these wrestlers are nothing more than gigantic 'sissies.' The bigger the man, the more of a sissy he is. You remember that, when you get ready to rumble for Jesus!"