Movie Review

Christian pastors here at Landover Baptist thought their tireless efforts to warn Americans about the carefully disguised homosexual agenda targeting toddlers through Disney cartoons was working. They thought that since President George W. Bush, a devout Christian who attends a Bible church regularly and believes in the same three-headed God (Father, Son, and flying side-kick, The Holy Ghost) took office, that Americans were finally waking up. Our pastors took for granted that Americans understood that Jesus is not above sending little children straight to Hell for watching cartoons. It wasn't until Pastor Deacon Fred heard that millions of American children were being lured like zombies in a trance to see the new Disney film, Finding Nemo, that he decided to speak out against it.

"Walt Disney would be spinning in his grave if he knew his animation studios were full of giggling homosexuals, doodling and talking about silly colors and little fishies for their latest film," said Pastor Deacon Fred last Sunday. "But as we all know, Walt Disney never made it to Heaven. Although he hated Jews almost as much as the Apostle Paul did, he never took the time to accept Jesus Christ as his personal savior. So Mr. Disney is burning in Hell right now and God melted his eyes right out of his head.  The poor fellow can't even see that his wholesome empire of family entertainment is overrun by prancing homos, skipping through its echoey corridors like clomping herds of wild ponies."

"Some folks don't think they need Pastors like myself to tell them what to think, but apparently they do, otherwise, they wouldn't be letting their children keep seeing these disgusting Disney cartoons," continued Pastor. "Just in case you ain't a Christian person, and can't see that Satan and the damn liberals and homos are behind just about everything that is wrong with this country, let me clue you in. The movie, Finding Nemo incorporates an exaggerated use of unnecessarily bright colors, and hues (especially pink and yellow). As True Christians™, we know that these colors are like a trail of poop leading right up to the rabbit hole of homosexuality. Do they take us for fools? I've been to the fishing hole before, my friends - and I've never had a tug on my line from any orange or yellow striped demon possessed looking fish. Everyone knows that fish are green! Every time I see a commercial for this movie, it makes me want to scream and smack my giggling little grandson in the head! And it wouldn't be my fault if I did smack him! It's them damned homos who forced me to do it! Praise the sweet name of Jesus!"

"Since I don't have to lift up a sewer lid, to know it stinks down there - I also don't have to see movies to know that they are about. Aside from the homosexual cartoonist's calling card of high budget glitz and glamour that accompanies each new Disney/Pixar release, there is a more sinister agenda at work here. This film is about a young fish boy from a single family fish home. He rightly runs away after finding out his daddy fish is a flopping homosexual. His daddy fish wants him to come back home and live with his boyfriend! If that isn't enough to make you throw up, there's more. This homo-fish intends to marry outside of his own fish race by taking up residence with a male blow fish. So what we have is two things going on. The writers of the film want children who view it to accept homosexuality as normal, and also to turn a blind eye to mixed marriages - or God forbid, marriage between the species, which is bestiality, or in this case aquaticality. Friends, the homos are getting our kids so confused and mixed up by this nonsense, that if you aren't shocked, I question your salvation! You mark my words, before you know it, your own son will be dying his hair orange and having sex with a dolphin - and you will be forced by law to accept their relationship as normal. I can't even continue with this, because frankly it makes me physically ill to even think about it."

After speaking, Pastor Deacon Fred pulled out an aquarium full of fish from behind his pulpit and overturned it onto the table of Holy Sacrament. "This is what I think of Finding Nemo!" he bellowed. "Damned homosexual fishes!" The congregation stood up and cheered as ladies from the choir came down to stomp their heels into the dozens of fish flopping around on the floor. One child was punished for trying to save a fish by throwing it into the baptismal pool. Church members with active aquariums voluntarily drained them as soon as they got home. Pastor Deacon Fred is asking all Baptist ministers to warn their parishioners about the new Disney film, Finding Nemo - and also to overturn aquariums in public as a sign of protest.