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Church Responds to Success of
X-Men With Marvel™ Comic Book Bonfire Press Release Freehold,
Iowa -- Over two thousand Marvel comic books were snatched
from the hands of teary-eyed Landover Baptist males (the
ones that cried the most tended to be single and in their
forties and claimed to be one call from a woman named Miss
"Pamela" Anderson). The comic books were burned in
a glorious fire that could be seen all the way to Winnebago
County, if not Heaven itself. "It
is an offering made by fire, of a sweet savor unto the LORD
(Lev. 2:9)," said Pastor Deacon Fred. "The Lord
loves the smell of burning books, and ignited comic books
make even prettier colored flames! And some of those older
editions flame quicker than a Broadway chorus boy in tap
shoes. I want to thank every Godly parent who was a part of
our community-wide effort to purge the plague of filth and
fiction from the minds of our Christian children," he
continued. Deacons who were present at the comic book
burning noted that the fire was even more beautiful than
last October's
Harry Potter Book Burning. Landover
Baptist's comic book burning effort was in response to the
recent success of Marvel
comic book writer, Stan Lee (a long time nemesis of Pastor
Jack Chick of Chick
Tract fame) is a well known Atheist and womanizer
who uses comic books like the Rated X- Men, not to glorify
God, but to push his twisted ideology and godless agenda on
our innocent little American children. "No Christian
child has any business reading Mr. Lee's sexed-up humanistic
trash," said Pastor Deacon Fred. "Anyone who
spends that much time coming up with inviting lady-limbs,
heaving cartoon boobies and bulging, preposterously hung
groins, is bound to be drawing with one hand!
And if you don't get what I am tactfully saying,
Jesus does! If
your kids like juvenile depictions of fanciful nonsense,
drawn with the subtlety of a David Spade movie, slap a Chick
Tract into their hands instead!" For
the next several months, during Sunday School classes,
children will be required to repeat the following prayer
until it sinks into their heads and they never forget it: When
Jesus takes His last stand Jesus
is the X-Factor In
a Godly reaction to X-Men 3, the Board of Deacons has
commissioned a sin posse to be named, "The A-Men
Trinity." The A-Men will travel to outlying communities
and even into Des Moines with the good news that Jesus wants
to rid all homes of X-Men comic books and put them into the
hands of Landover Baptist Pastors who will in turn burn them
later this summer in
a giant fire if they don't fetch a good enough
love gift price on E-Bay. If
you are ready to make a commitment to Christ, you can send
us your X-Men comic books (the older the comic book, the
more important your commitment!) to save us from kicking in
the door to your parents' basement and snatching them out of
your cold, dead hand. Send your comic books to: Landover
Baptist A-Men Outreach
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