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Salvation Evaluation
Committee Expels 21 Church Officials Scriptural Violations Made Public in Chart Form Below Freehold Iowa - The
Bible Edict Enforcement Subcommittee of the Landover Baptist
Salvation Evaluation Committee announced this week that
fewer members were permanently barred from further church
attendance in 2003 than ever before in modern church
history. In
total, the Personal Background Audit of 2002 resulted in a
mere 2,782 dismissals.
“Hopefully, this number reflects the fact that
people Biblically ineligible to enter God’s home are
finally wising up and not bothering to apply for
membership,” noted subcommittee chairman, Brother Harry
Hardwick. “Everyone
has known for years that the unsaved – those who don’t
believe in Jesus – aren’t welcome in our homes,
restaurants or barber shops, let alone in our church.
Jesus tells us over and over in the New Testament
that we are not to associate or commune with non-Christians
(Romans 16:17; 2 Corinthians 6:14-17; 1 John 2:15; 1
Corinthians 5:9-11, etc.).
Sure, we should witness to them, our schedules
permitting, but dropping ‘Turn or Burn’ tracks into a
filthy vagrant’s hands on your way to your favorite bistro
is a far cry from letting the soiled, smelly sinner sit in
the pew next to your children.
Unfortunately, what many folks previously failed to
realize is that merely being a Christian is, by far, not the
only prerequisite to admission to a True Christian™
church.” While overall expulsions are on the decline, this year’s audit resulted in termination of the largest number of deacons and Sunday school teachers ever expelled in a single calendar year. The following list of expelled instructors (and their expelled families) is provided so that all parents will know whether their children must repeat a Sunday school grade. 2003 Church Expulsions of Landover Baptist Deacons/Sunday School Instructors
The subcommittee’s annual audit involves extensive probing into the personal, financial, medical and genealogical history of every church member and his family, from Pastor Deacon Fred all the way to the poorest back-row seat, late-service-only, tin-level tithing lesser member. Every aspect of each church member’s life and family history is examined under a microscope to determine if there are any background facts that forbid that person’s and his family’s entry into the church. Each of this year’s dismissals was based on at least one Bible verse prohibiting church attendance by the guilty party. “It is shocking to learn that some of our parishioners were taught the Lord’s word by someone who has no business being in church in the first place,” observed a clearly distraught Pastor Deacon Fred. “As a result of the subcommittee’s investigation, all the children taught by these former members must be held back a grade so they can be told what to believe by someone who belongs in God’s home.” Pastor was quick to note that while the students will be held back in Sunday school grades, they may advance to the next level in their home schooling programs. The Landover Baptist website is not intended to be viewed by anyone under 18 |