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Local News
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EVEN CHICKENS CAN GET
DEMONS! Freehold, Iowa - 78-year-old
farmer, Hank Rollins, told Landover security officers that "howling noises"
coming from his back yard woke him up at 4 o'clock on Tuesday morning.
"It sounded like a whole pack of coyotes was a gettin' after my hogs,"
he said. Grabbing his shotgun, he ran downstairs in his underwear to see
"what in tarnation" was going on. When he got outside, he was shocked to see
two pigs had escaped from their pen and were squealing "like the devil tryin' to get back in."
Mr. Rollins ran back into the house to retreive 10 cases of shotgun shells, a six-pack of root beer, and a King James Bible. As a farmer, he knew that the hogs were not smart enough to escape from their own pen by themselves. As a Christian, he could only conclude that Satan had pried the lock on the pig stie and let "a whole mess of demons loose." Rollins knew it was already too late for the pigs. He had to act quickly before demons spread out all over the farm. "I was planning on shootin' the demons right out of them pigs, if it took all day!" he said. After getting comfortable in the rocker on his front porch, he started shooting. Authorities arrived shortly after sunrise to find 1,397 dead hogs scattered over Rollins' four-acre farm. A smiling farmer Hank, covered in pig blood, sat calmly in his rocker, gun still smoking. "I blew the devil right back to Hell!" he said. Or so he thought. Landover security officers realized that old man Rollins probably had spoken too soon when they uncovered more evidence of demonic activity at the farm. Satan's little calling card was the stench of mutilated chicken coming from the henhouse. When they were finally able to pry open the doors, they found that the chickens had been so filled with demons, they turned on each other in a bloody rampage. There were more chicken pieces on the floor than at an NAACP picnic. "It was so horrible," recounts farmer Rollins, "that only moments before, I had seen a fox running OUT of the henhouse -- no doubt in horror over what them demons had been doing." Occult detective, Mitch Walker (who was on the scene), informed everyone to "just sit tight." He explained, "more n' likely, we got ourselves a flock of demon-possessed chickens." As the Lord's sun was rising overhead, the eggs in the henhouse glowed red a bit. Detective Mitch said that "it was God's way of letting us know that there was a whole pack of new demons in them eggs waiting to be hatched. We made ourselves a demon omelet right there on that wooden floor. Praise God!" Minutes later, Landover police officers and volunteers were called in. Manned with shotguns and full body armour, they set forth on a county-wide hunt to find the rest of the demon-possessed chickens. When it was all over and the smoke had finally cleared, there were reports from as far away as Cecil County that chickens had savagely attacked and blew holes with chicken-seed through two bloodhounds, four sheep and a neighboring farmer's llama. One Landover Baptist farmer reported that two of his cows had been attacked by the chickens. "They tore them cows to shreds with their sharp beaks, and ate most of the remains," he said. "When I found them, wolves were scavenging after the meat the chickens left behind. I would have thought it was the wolves themselves that did it, but I am a Christian man, and when I heard there was a flock of demon-possessed chickens on the loose, I knew right away what was really going on." The chickens that were captured alive were drowned according to Scripture, in Landover Lake. The chickens that were shot had their bodies shredded and burned. Farmer Hank Rollins then buried all of the remains in a remote area of his farm.
For more information on demons, please visit:
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