A Small Sample of Landover Baptist Mail Received June 2003  (unedited and in original form)

Dear pastor,

I recently read a fairly old article on your website about the upcoming Scooby Doo movie and its hidden anti-Christian messages. I am interested in the opinions of the Baptist Church, and I found all your arguments interesting. However, I found one comment in particular to be out of place, mean, and simply unchristian. When discussing the possibility of talk show host Rosie O'Donnell filling the role of Thelma in the Scooby Doo movie, you referred to Ms. O'Donnell as a "human hippo". That sort of comment does not belong on a well-meaning Christian website. References to Ms. O'Donnell's size had nothing to do with the article's content. The wording of the insult was no more than a gradeschool student's playground taunt, and was extremely cruel and hurtful. Would Jesus call someone a "human hippo" ? Is this the kind of behavior you really want to display for your children and for followers of the church? The author of that article should be ashamed of him or herself, and should be reprimanded by the website's authorities.

Thank you for your time, and I would be interested in hearing from you in reply.

Rose Rimler - heyshosha


"After the burning, if any of these 'so-called' children's books are found anywhere on church grounds or in the home of any church member, proper steps will be taken to ensure your child is fully deprogrammed from the illicit material (which may or may not include a trip to a Russian orphanage at your expense) and you will be fined $250.00 per book."

ARE YOU PEOPLE FUCKING NUTS???
HAVE YOU GONE COMPLETLEY INSANE??
ITS A FUCKING CHILDRENS BOOK??
IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ IT FINE!!
BUT YOU HAVE NO LEGAL RIGHT TO DISRUPT THE LIVES OF
YOUR CHILDREN IN THIS MANNER!!!

I am a christian, and I will read these books due to the fact that they are funny and more enjoying to read than your STUPID babbling about "OHHH OHH the antichrist is coming. Everyone go save themselves for the end is near!!" You remind me of the guy from the Stand. Go rot in the many levels of hell you retarded babtist. I won't even bother to capatilize your pitiful excuse for a congregation. I bet your southern babtists too. I am from the south, and I say that you retarded people give a bad name to southerners everywhere. Go rot in hell morons.

Bye the way, if you try to take any means against my right of free speech about this, I will hack your website (I can do it) and change all of your material to pornographic and an atheistic nature. Die stupid fucks.

Charles Brown


Mr. Deacon Ford:

First of all I have just got done reading your page on the movie "Finding Nemo". No where in that movie sir does that clownfish say his son is homosexual! Another thing, (here's a quote from your site) "Everyone knows fish are green!" Oh really? What about Clownfish! Are they green? What about Goldfish! Are they green? What about Tuna? Halabut? Angelfish? Trout? Bass? Perch? Are they green? NO!!!! For someone who's been to the fishing hole need to get out more because all fish ARE NOT green! From what I've seen and read on your site, you have the most corrupt view of Christianity I've EVER SEEN!!! Good day to you sir and I hope your eyes are opened soon.

Sincerely,
dpfreak85

P.S. I know it is formal to give my name, but I'm not stupid.


I was just looking at your website and was impressed with the educational content.. The reason I'm reviewing your site is that my company is the largest DVD educational/Christian rental company in the world. Our company provides websites like yours with a way to make serious monthly income.

My company, www.mentura.com acts as an Application Service Provider (ASP) that gives you a branded DVD rental store for your website. Your DVD rental store looks EXACTLY like your website and includes your logo. We have over 8000 and educational/Christian DVDs and we pay you up to $55 per sign up. This is NOT an affiliate program. You can review the ASP Partner Program at And you can review a few of our ASP Partner DVD rental stores at:

Christian eBuy:
Christian Homeschool:
Homeschool.com:

All of this is provided to you for FREE, you pay for nothing. Added Reoccurring Revenues, Added Stickiness to your site and Prestige from a well respected ASP Partner. I'd like to speak with you about Your DVD Rental Store when you have a few minutes. Please let me know a good time to contact you. Or you can contact me directly at the number below.

Best regards,
Terry

Terry Schembari
Sales Manager
Mentura, Inc.


Ok it's funny..I'll admit that. And I know the page is a huge joke. But seriously..y'all are leading non believers to think that this crap was put up by serious Christians and that certainly doesn't help us any. You're smart enough to know we're not like that and you've obviously invested ALOT of energy into your page...like I said it's way funny but when we evanglize..non believers don't know a thing about what it means to be a Christian have seen your page and think it's the truth and don't want anything to do w/us. That sorta makes it harder... one way or another we're not gonna stop winning souls but seriously man..you are gonna be held accountable for what you do and so for your sake I hope you consider this e-mail.

Meighan


Is this for real: "The first thing we do," Landover Pastor, Deacon Fred explains, "is put a Bible on the floor. If the baby crawls away from the Bible, it immediately becomes a candidate for sterilization."

Isn't this against the law?

NoDoubt83


Hello. My name is Julieta Luna and I live in MEXICO CITY I am Really impacted after having read the information on this cartoon in their page. It is repugnant that the companies producers of programs for children, be carrying out this type of acts. I wanted to know more about the investigation that carried out Landover and their team of collaborators. Please send me the information to the mail: luna_julieta@hotmail.com to share it with other family parents. Thank you

Dear "sir", I was visiting your website while finding myself insulted and shocked by your ignorance. Did you ever take a course in basic grammar? It doesn't appear that you have. If I'm not mistaken, West Chester University is offering remedial English, which I suggest you take, after viewing your website. Now tell me, I'd say within about 30 or 40 logs, how much shit have you eaten? I think your website sucks. Especially your views on homosexuals. I feel this way, because I know that you are taking part in homoerotic activities at this very moment. If you want, I have more than enough money to send all of your lovely "ladies" many boxes of tampons. We know they won't be having any sex, because they look like something that came out of my ass this morning. In a fight between you and the Pope, he could drop you like the sack of shit that you are, eat you for breakfast, shit you out again, then call you, informing you that its not a half day, and informing you that you should report to work as scheduled. Oh that's right...youre probably too busy having anal and oral sex with your legions of whores. By the way, I'm hanging out with my Muslim and Jewish friends, drinking lots of beer, having lots of sex, and watching films like The Patriot and Harry Potter. In closing, we take your religion about as seriously as we take the Eagles winning the Super Bowl. Catholics are better than you, they always will be. Period. As a Catholic, me and the man, J.C., might be paying a visit to your house to take a shit on it and dance around while doing cookies and cake. That's THE MAN's favorite snack, you know. Christ is a Yankee fan, and we all know you're rooting for the team on the other side of town. Get on the 7 and go to hell. You're always welcome to mend your ways, and join us in the House of God as a Catholic. We accept all people, unlike your pathetic excuse for a religion.

Love Always,

Big 'n Black (peace dawg) - Blues2617

P.S. not only are you welcome, you're encouraged to post this on your website

The article on the Rugrats television show was an absurd excuse to twist the innocent cartoon into a so-called "porn show"! I was appaled by the article. It only goes to show where the minds of the writers were when they wrote it. I know no one who has ever thought of that cartoon in the same manner that you did! It was a cheap excuse to rant and rave about a subject that has ABSOLUTELY no validity! I, myself, am a Christian, and porn is, in my eyes, spawned from satan. Yet this article was the most ridiculous piece of work I have ever read! You should be ashamed, poisoning the minds of DECENT Christians, unlike yourselves!

Larry Hampton


did you ever stop to think that your reporting group is called SCAM because they scam you? you know what scam means, lie, make up, and bash other people because they can't handle the truth. the truth is catholics are closer to god then you are. they don't fuck alter boys. it is called a ROBE not a dress. their is a difference. you just are to stupid to realize that. i like how you admit that you don't read the whole bible, which is the word of god, like you claim. you want proof, go to http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0100/investigation.html and read. now of coarse you are going to modify that just so you don't condritict yourselves. your maybe you'll leave it the same, because anyone that believes in your faith would be too stupid to notice something like that, so no harm is going to come of it. like your disclaimers says, you can modify this email in your surmons to make it just the way you want it. well, at least whoever is reading this, if you still are, knows the truth now. but you probably just think i am some nut. i just have a question for you. when you "pick and choose" which bible verses to pay attention to, how do you know you picked the right verse? maybe that verse is one you are supposed to ignore, just like you do the rest of the bible. maybe you aren't reading the whole bible. but you say you read all of god's word. hhhhhhmmmmmmmmmm....so your lieing.

sir_bitchalot


Get a life...I just finished reading your website and it is a crock. This isn't puritanical England anymore. The Jar-Jar Binks article was pathetic, the Harry Potter information was grossly inaccurate, and the rest of it, well, it's obvious that you people have some serious issues with sex. You are teaching children that sex a very bad thing, when in fact, it can be a very beautiful thing between two people who really love eachother. I do believe that you should wait for your wedding night before having sex, but the way you people talk about it, it's like you believe you should stay celibate forever. That would kind of put a dent in the population wouldn't it. Get a life people.

Angela Thompson


you people are crazy.Harry Potter has no such crap in it which i should know because i hav the movie and i've seen it over 100 times.Betty Bowers is not the best christian in america because she lies too dang much.Of all the churches i'd think you would know Satan does not wear a red suit and doesnt have horns.THe Bible clearly states that he looks like someone in everyday life-form.Furthermore you're just a bunch of HYPOCRITES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.#1 would God's favorite church lie.....NO.#2 would God's favorite church go against a Christian man's writing(J.R.R.Tolkien).#3 would God's favorite church have a paying fee for a church service...NO!!.You people are a bunch of HYPOCRITES,for the bastards that dont know,and why do you say everything has to do with homosexuality.Y'ALL ARE A BUNCH OF HOMOS!!!why don't y'all do a report on the bad things of Gays,Lesbians,Bis,or transgenders do?????i want you people to write back although im not on the mailing list,good day so you can read my name,

William Keith Retherford and remember it.Hey,even better write a headline of what you think about me


I read your page on science. It made me laugh. First of all scientists are talking about carbon the element, not carbon paper. You are pretty stupid if you ask me. You are equally clueless about everything else you talk about there. Another misconception you have is that science is a faith. It isn't. Science is made up of theories and facts. The facts can be proven so no faith is required. Scientists don't have faith in theories either. They are seen as a possible explanation of an observation. They may be modified are discarded completely depending on new discoveries. Why are you mad at science? You wouldn't be able to have your stupid web site without scientists having knowledge of electricity and technology. If you go sick you would be out of luck without medical science. You think the bible is the answer to everything. Why? You think the bible is the word of god and can't be wrong. How do you know the bible is the word of god (if god even exists)? Is it because the bible says so? That is called circular reasoning. But the bible tell you not to use reasoning. It tells you not to question it. You are saying that the bible is right because the bible says so. You are saying not to question it because it says not to question it. If the bible is wrong then everything you stand for is a lie. If you idiots ran the world we would make no progress. Everyone would just keep reading the bible, trying to prepare for the "after life." Science has helped the world more than religion ever will.

Hshatfield


I just wanted to say that I truely appreciate what you guys are doing for the Free Speech Amendment. If the government is willing to put up with you, then maybe they won't be so closed minded to actual logistical thinking. Also, your website is an unlimited source of laughter for me. It makes me think that there are people in this world that are that stupid. Praise the stupid people, for they help the few smart people realize what they are truely gifted with. Keep the idiocy running thick guys, because I don't want the humor to ever end.

I doubt your god can do anything to me, so I challenge you to destroy me. I am my own god, and I shall be invincible to your attempts of harm towards me. You are a devoted people, but you breed closed eyes to what is lurking in the shadows. I am honorable, intelligent, and willing to see the enemies I help breed with my presence. You are none of those, and I think it would be interesting to see you try and end my existence (or even more laughable, try an attempt to "convert" me). If you do nothing, then I will not feel any negative feelings towards myself, for I am all that I need and do not require the words of others to give purpose for my life. However, if you so deem myself worthy of your excorcisms, then I welcome you to battle. May he who is worthly inherit the vicotry.

Sincerely,

Some Guy (Maybe a Demon...or maybe just some guy. You shall never know infedel!)

Jabob Billy [lordofthechickendancers@yahoo.com]


First off, let me preface this by saying I was a Christian at one point.

First off, let's discuss the Christian faith in general. I realize that nothing is for-sure, which is a very convienent argument for the Catholic faith. Anyway, I just find it hard to believe a faith that has no hard evidence for it. For all you know, the bible could be written by a gang of homeless people with nothing better to do. You really have no idea, except by what you hear from your god.

God, assuming he's up there, is probably mad at everyone who blew this religion out of proportion. Do you think he's so self absorbed that he wants people devoting their whole lives to him? He put us here for a reason - not to waste it on stupid stuff like that.

Because of time constraints, I'm going to move on to your slaughter of the english language in the "Bruce Almighty" review. I mean seriously, do you have to take everything so seriously? It's a joke - come on. If you don't like black people being god, which you have no proof that he's white, fine, thats your belief. But its not trying to make fun of god, it's trying to further a point that jesus probably taught. If you would have SEEN the movie, you could probably criticize it better.

I would like a response to this.

Randolph - Alex Gavenda [iamnotacrook@msn.com]


Look, you fat,ugly disgrace of a man... You are not the man of God that you say you are.... you will go straight to Hell if you keep your way of thinking. I was completly disgusted at what you had to say about Derrick Todd Lee. People like you do not deserve to live. You are the one that needs to be saved. They need to drown you in holy water slowly..torture you... rape you...cut you up into peices and throw you along some deserted road somewhere...and you WILL go straight to Hell to burn for eternity.

Cullenrd12


Something about Jesus not keeping a promise in the second paragraph of your add? The generational promise of comming back? He did not break that promise, a living generation is 40 years but the bible does not say Jesus would come back in 40 years of Israel becoming a nation. It says that generation will not all pass away before he comes back. Some poeple born in 1948 could live to be 80 or 100 years old so add 100 years to 1948 and you get 2048! No promises of God have have ever been broken and so far every profescy has come true right up to terrisum and next the either the Raptue or advent of the Anti Christ.

Tony Imbesi


Dear Friend:

Landover Baptist's web site shows an absolutely amazing intolerance and ignorance. I am deeply offended by the arrogant and unscriptural attitudes. The church is guilty of judging other believers. SHAME ON YOU! SHAME ON YOU! In the name of the Living God, I call upon you to repent. You will be greatly surprised by those you see in heaven, if you make it.

For your web site to state that Methodists are not Christians is a LIE. The statement shows a gross misunderstanding of the doctrine of prevenient grace. Another glaring error is a complete silence on the Methodist understanding of the New Birth.

What I saw was utter contempt for anyone who has a differing opinion that your church. What I saw was the insecurity of your beliefs that you need to attack others so that you are looking better.

"If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen? And this commandment have we from him, That he who loveth God love his brother also." 1 John 4:20, 21

This web site causes unbelievers to laugh, mock, and scorn scriptural Christianity. That is very sad and unfortunate. The times we are living in call for excellence in lifting up Jesus Christ. He is the answer to the world. Yet, Landover Baptist thinks it is God instead of Jesus. People today are searching for something that will satisfy their inner hunger and longing. All you are offering is negative human piety.

Grace and Peace,

Rev. Michael Dillon
Benson Chapel United Methodist Church


YOU NEED TO STOP THE LIES.
YOU ARE NOT SPEAKING ABOUT THE TRUE BIBLE AND THE WORD OF GOD.
ONE DAY YOU WILL ANSWER FOR THESE SINS YOU ARE COMMITTING.
YOU ARE NOT SPEADING THE GOSPEL OF JESUS CHRIST.
YOU ARE SPREADING YOUR OWN LIES.
STOP NOW.
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
The One [Word@supernetpower.com]

IS THIS REALLY LEGAL? YOU ARE USING REAL CRIMES, REAL DEATHS, AND REAL EMOTIONS ON A FAKE, WEB PAGE TO ONLY MAKE YOURSELVES LOOK STUPID. I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS REALLY BEING DONE AND PUT ONLINE FOR PEOPLE TO READ. JUST READING THIS CRAP MAKES A PERSON A LITTLE BIT DUMBER, AND EVEN MORE SO FOR BELIEVING THAT THIS IS REAL. YOU HAVE MOCKED EVERY RELIGION AND EVERY BELIEF OF ALL HUMAN BEINGS, AND TWISTED IT TO SOUND LIKE SOME SICK CULT. BUT THE HARSHIST THING IS THE STORY ABOUT DERRICK TODD LEE: WHY WOULD YOU EVEN MAKE THESE THINGS UP, WHAT KIND OF MENTAL PROBLEMS DO YOU REALLY HAVE? HOPEFULLY SOMEONE HAS THE LEGAL POWER TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS MAKE BELIEVE, TWISTED, SICK, NOT TO MENTION UN-GODLY WEB PAGE! AND WHILE YOU ARE WASTING YOUR TIME MAKING THESE THINGS UP, WHY DON'T YOU GET YOURSELF A LIFE?!

IN SHOCK- BUT A LITTLE SMARTER THAN YOU THINK

"BATON ROUGE BIMBO" - Ln2Gr


Landover, I sord of think you put all of those things you are aganist to get people roaring and cussing. It is not right for them to do so. But it is not right what you say about the unsaved and the other cult like beliefs. I believe Landover is like a lot of Christan denominations that misinterpret scriptures. Your church probably does not believe in heart felt salvation. If you did you would show the love of a true church. I think it is completly wrong to charge people to come to a service. I can say I will never sit foot in Landover. Most of the mailbag entries are negative. You should look at that. Landover will probably say we are a peculiar people. That is your right. But your not the peculiar people of the bible. The Christian attire section is stupid if a person can't afford a tie and suit they shouldn't have to buy o ne. As long as you can't see the shameful things you are ok. You said in your beliefs that if you do not believe this you are going to hell. A person cannot tell anyone else they are going to hell or heaven. Only God's holy spirit can do so.

Brandon Cowles


The Derrick Todd Lee article written is the most absurd article I have ever read. One of his victims was in fact a very devout Christian. I myself am a Christian lady who lives everyday through the Bible and feel you are so wrong about Derrick Todd Lee. God was the reason he was finally caught, and God would not have used a man with DTL's perverted background to do His work. Please....

Joni Thevenot


My goodness, this sort of thing shouldn't even be in the web site. How unchristian can you be to judge others like you do. I am not an Atheist, but people in this country have the right to be such if they choose. If not, why were our soldiers fighting and dying for our rights. This is just terrible, and I think you ought to have your own web page for this sort of thing. I am a taxpayer, and I resent such things on the White House web site.

Nicholas7031


Dear sir,

Was it your church that sent the article on Jim Carrey as an actor in Bruce Almighty? I think it was because there was a link on the page that lead me right to you guys. Believe me. You will have just as much answering to do before God as much as Jim Carrey does. I welcome the movie. I am a Christian. I think it was refreshing to see the gospel protrayed in a movie that reached millions in the opening weekend. Shame on your church for your nonsense and complete misunderstanding of the gospel. Its religions like yours that turn people away from the gospel. I bet you didn't know that the director was a christian.

No you probably didn't think of that. I ask you to turn from religion and see who God really is or whoever in your church wrote that article to stop and reasses who they believe God almighty to be. The truth is that you are the ones that are guilty, not Jim Carrey and hollywood. Come back from the depths of religious darkness that has settled over your church. This is the word of the LORD unto you. Hear it and let him change your false beliefs. Hear what he says!!

concerned for you

Tegrey Moot


Dear Sir ,

With a humbled heart I commit myself this day to write and ask for your benevolence and kind consideration of my families plight for assistance. I am making this contact on behalf of my family not minding the consequences but hoping that you would understand our predicament and come to our aid and assist us. I would also kindly apologize for any inconvenience or embarrassment this might cause your person, as we neither know each other personally nor have had any previous contact or correspondence.

I am Julius Nsekou Mobutu Sese Sekou,son of the late president Mobutu Sese Sekou of the Congo Democratic Republic(former Republic of Zaire). There was unrest (war) in my country which resulted in the overthrow and eventual of my father President Mobutu Sese Sekou.My family members have since escaped to Morocco while i am presently in one of the West African countries on political asylum. Due to the political crisis,no member of my family can go back to the Congo Democratic Republic or transact any business investment there,also my fathers properties have been seized and Bank accounts frozen by the Government of Lawrent Joseph Kabila. Before my father died ,he deposited the sum of $75.5 MILLION(USD) CASH in a PRIVATE SECURITY VAULT .Please we need your assistance in moving and securing this money in your bank accounts abroad,my family will compensate you adequately with 20% of the total amount for your assistance and co operation.

My family will want to invest this money abroad,and for this reason, i sincerely appeal to you to help us in setting up this business.May i also state that you will advice on areas of investment as regards your business and your country as the families foreign partner.

I look forward to further co-operation from you and will be grateful for yourimmediate response .

Please for this transaction reply to : nsekoumobutu@sify.com

Yours Sincerely,

Julius Nsekou Mobutu & Entire Family.


YOU GUYS ARE FUCKING MORONS AND NEED TO LEARN THE MEANING OF BEING A CHRISTIAN!!! YOUR RULES AND REGULATIONS HAVE MASSIVE FAULTS SUCH AS NOT BRINGING A UNSAVED PERSON TO CHURCH TO HELP SAVE THEM!!!! YOU ALSO HAVE TO BE MORE LENIANT THAN CHARGING $200 OR MORE JUST FOR DANCING YOU STUPID FUCKIN ASS-HOLES!!! THE MEANING OF BEING A CHRISTIAN IS THAT YOU CAN STILL SIN BUT KNOW TO REPENT FOR YOUR SINS AND HAVE ACCEPTED CHRIST AS YOUR SAVIOR. YOU ARE ALSO TO TRY TO SAVE PEOPLE AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE AND NEED TO BRING THEM TO CHURCH TO HELP AS WELL, AS TO TEACH THEM WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A CHRISTIAN...... (I KNOW YOU WILL ALL BURN IN HELL YOU STUPID FUCKING MORONS!!!!) (PS. I'M A CHRISTIAN AND I LISTEN TO DISTURBED, GOODSHARLETT, ALIENANTFARM, KORN,ECT}.

james waddell