Landover Baptist | Where the Worthwhile Worship. Unsaved Unwelcome.

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George W. Bush - Official 2004 Campaign Site

Suffering for Jesus in Luxurious Saint James, Barbados
Our annual Platinum Tither Conference at Sandy Lane Luxury Resort in Saint James, Barbados is completely booked! Find out what you are missing if you didn't make the list! Read More!>

Back to Secular School Witnessing Tips for Baptist Children!
Here are some great tips for fighting Satan on his own turf and reclaiming your secular school for our Christian Nation! Read More!>

Landover Baptist University's Advanced Degree in Motherhood! Female graduates prepare for the rewarding role of wordless, smiling servitude in Baptist husbandry. Read More!>

Reader Mail!
100% Genuine E-mails sent to Landover Baptist from intelligent, educated citizens the world over! Read!>

Satan's Latest Releases
Get you nose out of the Devil's hiney! Check out our True Christian™ Guide to the Movies!
Learn Me Bout the Big Screen!>

Baptist Sexuality
Satan is making your soft, inviting body HIS business! Stop his wandering red claws from tickling your True Christian™ fancy! More!>

Thousands of incredible and 100% real gift ideas in the Landover Baptist Store!

Book Burnings Are Bible-Based Baptist Fun For the Whole Family! The shocking sodomy scene in "The Deathly Hallows" shows readers how Harry Potter really gets it in the end! Praise Jesus! Time to burn some of Satan's books for the Lord! Exclusive!>

Christian Kids Wanna Know!
Did I Once Swim Out of My Daddy's Privates?
It doesn’t surprise Pastor to hear that secular school teachers are shameless deniers of the Intelligent Avian Delivery theory. More!>

See if you can identify when the Lord fumbled a prognostication Click Here>

The War on Terror A look back at our Godly, True Christian™ President Bush's 18-Hole Plan to invade Iraq, and the CIA's secret weapon to fight wacky Islamic terrorists! Go!>

Landover Baptist's Guide to Mary Worshippers Everything you need know about those hell-bound, ring-kissing, candle-lighting, Mary worshipping, skirt-wearing Catholics!
Get Informed!>

We have a permanent injunction against all unsaved persons. If you are unsaved, you are not allowed within a 10-mile radius of our church, nor are you allowed on this website. Kindly leave, and be about the Devil's business, for you are not welcome here. Glory!

If you are interested in getting saved, and you are not joking around about it just to upset us, we ask you kindly to click on this link and we'll help you get started on processing your eternal security certification right away!