Landover Baptist | Where the Worthwhile Worship. Unsaved Unwelcome.

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Spiderman: The Vile Glorification of Arachnid Bestiality!
By using the same false and perverted promise from the fairy tale story of the princess and frog (which we have steadfastly condemned from its initial concept), Hollywood stoops to a new low! Movie Review!>

Christian Kids Wanna Know!
Did I Once Swim Out of My Daddy's Privates?
Let me tell you, it doesn’t surprise me to hear that your secular school teacher is a shameless denier of the Intelligent Avian Delivery theory. Learn More!>

Answering Reader Mail!
Godly Advice for a Barren Widow with Cancer
You indicated that you and your husband never had children and that you have only three months to live due to stroke and cancer of the "lever." While I'm not familiar with cancer of the "lever," it sounds just dreadful. Click Here to Learn More!>

Harry Potter Action Alert!
24-Hour prayer vigils will be held outside the Freehold, Iowa Multiplex beginning in early May! Get Involved!>

Can You Hate Your Mom as Much as Jesus Hated His?
Even for a Jewish mother, Mary was clearly a pest. Scripture reveals to us that she was an insufferable leech when it came to her precious Son. More!>

Reader Mail!
100% Genuine E-mails sent to Landover Baptist from concerned Christian citizens. Read!>

Thousands of incredible and 100% real gift ideas in the Landover Baptist Store!

Tuesdays & Wednesdays, America Becomes a Nation of Godless Idol Worshippers!
This church will not stand by while America text-message-votes its way right into the sulfurous pits of Hell! More>

See if you can identify when the Lord fumbled a prognostication Click Here>

Christian Kids Wanna Know!
Why Does God Hate Trailer Trash?
"Scripture, as always, provides the answer. For Jesus was rather specific in His preferred choice of home construction." Click Here to Learn More!>

Brother Harry Confronts Famous Negro Atheist! Listen to Pastor Hardwick's sharp tongue thwart persecution from a man of color! More>

Registration for Junior High Vacation Bible Gun Camp Underway!

What is There to Do?
Apocalyptic wilderness survival training, Bible reading, Scripture memory contests, marksmanship competitions, Old testament wild deer and boar sacrifices, gun care and cleaning, manly fellowship, Bible skits, and evening super surprise game competitions where children use tranquilizer guns to hunt unsaved homeless people who are dropped into the mountains by helicopter.

Who Can Come?
Landover Baptist Vacation Bible Gun Camp is for anyone who finished Grade 3 up to those finished grade 8. Optional grade 7 for those who attended last year and failed to kill an endangered animal and memorize over 50 Bible verses.

Put your child in the care of Landover Baptist Ministers for a summer they will never forget!

Click Here for More Details!

We have a permanent injunction against all unsaved persons. If you are unsaved, you are not allowed within a 10-mile radius of our church, nor are you allowed on this website. Kindly leave, and be about the Devil's business, for you are not welcome here. Glory!

If you are interested in getting saved, and you are not joking around about it just to upset us, we ask you kindly to click on this link and we'll help you get started on processing your eternal security certification right away!