Landover Baptist | Where the Worthwhile Worship. Unsaved Unwelcome.

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Christian Girls' Guide to Spring Break Abstinence
In order to save their virginity, many Christian students sacrifice their pride by resorting to mouth, hiney, and same sex canoodling during Spring Break. Read More>

Do Retardeds Go to Heaven?
"The Bible is pretty clear about who gets to spend eternity with Jesus in Heaven, and who gets to roast eternally with Satan in Hell."
Christian Kids Wanna Know!>

SATANIC HOLIDAYS: ST. PATRICK'S DAY

> Shocking Kiddy Sermon Teaches Horrified Youngsters the Terrifying Truth About Saint Patrick

> Does America Really Need Another Excuse for Catholics to Get Drunk?

Reader Mail!
Genuine E-mails sent to Landover Baptist from millions of concerned citizens. Read!>

Brother Harry Confronts Famous Negro Atheist!
Listen to Pastor Hardwick's sharp tongue thwart persecution from a man of color! More>

Sister Betty Bowers on Anna Nicole Smith
Is rehab replacing Jesus as America's favorite vehicle for instantaneous forgiveness? More>

Thousands of incredible and 100% real gift ideas in the Landover Baptist Store!

Christian Gamers are Leading Gnomes and Elves to Jesus!
With Millions of online gamers, the virtual world is ripe for evangelism! Christian Video Gaming News!>

A Map of Our Godly Church Campus!
Visit the sacred grounds of the most Godly Church in America! Look!>

>Action Alerts!<

Baptist Sexuality
Satan is making your soft, inviting body HIS business! Stop his wandering red claws from tickling your True Christian™ fancy! More!>

The War on Terror God's 10 secrets for waging a perfect war, how to spot a terrorist, and much more Go!>

We have a permanent injunction against all unsaved persons. If you are unsaved, you are not allowed within a 10-mile radius of our church, nor are you allowed on this website. Kindly leave, and be about the Devil's business, for you are not welcome here. Glory!

If you are interested in getting saved, and you are not joking around about it just to upset us, we ask you kindly to click on this link and we'll help you get started on processing your eternal security certification right away!