Landover Baptist | Where the Worthwhile Worship. Unsaved Unwelcome.

Landover Baptist is America's Favorite Church!

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George W. Bush - Official 2004 Campaign Site

A LOOK BACK AT:
2006 FROM FOLKS WHO MATTER MOST TO GOD!
True Christian™ news stories that shook Satan's world in the year of our Lord Jesus Christ, 2006" Full List!>

A Map of Our Godly Church Campus!
Visit the sacred grounds of the most Godly Church in America! Look!>

FOR KIDS ONLY!
Accept Jesus Christ as Savior and Get a Free Playstation 3!
Limited time offer! Go!>

Reader Mail!
100% Genuine E-mails sent directly to Landover Baptist from millions of concerned citizens. Read!>

Baptist Sexuality
Satan is making your soft, inviting body HIS business! Stop his wandering red claws from tickling your True Christian™ fancy! More!>

Landover Baptist's Guide to Mary Worshippers Everything you need know about those hell-bound, ring-kissing, candle-lighting, Mary worshipping, skirt-wearing Catholics!
Get Informed!>

Thousands of incredible and 100% real gift ideas in the Landover Baptist Store!

WAR ON CHRISTMAS CASUALTY REPORT:
Santa Claus Clings to Life After Brutal Horsewhipping! "When ambulances arrived almost two hours later, a crowd of cheering church members had already shown up. I'm told that each of them had a Godly opportunity to kick and spit on that fat old devil's troll!" Full Story!>

NATIVITY PLAY NIGHTMARE:
Baby Jesus Leaps From Manger, Hurls Wet Donkey Manure Into Faces of Shocked Audience! "You mark my words, next year the we'll double baby Jesus' meds so His holy Valium won't wear off until after the last curtain call!" Read More!>

Previous Newsletters:
November 2006 Newsletter
October 2006 Newsletter
September 2006 Newsletter
August 2006 Newsletter
July 2006 Newsletter
June 2006 Newsletter
May 2006 Newsletter
April 2006 Newsletter
March 2006 Newsletter
February 2006 Newsletter
January 2006 Newsletter

FROM THE VAULTS:
Lucifer's Toy Chest!
If one of these items is found in your home, then you'll have to find yourself another place to worship, for you are no longer welcome at this Godly church. Click Here

Does God Approve of Our Yuletide Rituals? Only the Bible holds the shocking answers to our holiday Christmas Quiz! Read More!>

The Devil is in Your Chimney! Learn the truth about Santa Claus! Get Informed!>

We have a permanent injunction against all unsaved persons. If you are unsaved, you are not allowed within a 10-mile radius of our church, nor are you allowed on this website. Kindly leave, and be about the Devil's business, for you are not welcome here. Glory!

If you are interested in getting saved, and you are not joking around about it just to upset us, we ask you kindly to click on this link and we'll help you get started on processing your eternal security certification right away!

MAY GOD DAMN YOU TO HELL!
Search Landover Baptist's Archives by subject below, or click here to be taken to the Pearly Archive Gateway!

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Halloween
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