"Years ago, a father entered his son's room to find him sitting in bed wearing a bunny outfit. The boy was naked below the waist, his back supported by several pillows. When daddy came closer, he could see his son had a copy of the book, Where the Wild Things Are, cinched between his naked knees. As daddy reached for the nearest Bible to fling at his son, the boy shifted his blanket frantically, trying desperately to cover his shame!

"That little boy was me." Pastor Deacon Fred shared with a shocked congregation this week. "And the Lord's hands guided mine own to painfully slam that animalistic book shut upon my shame that day!  Friends, If it hadn't been for my daddy beating my naked hiney with a Bible till it bled I'm certain I'd be as gay as hay today! Most certainly, I wouldn't be standing before now as your anointed leader, sharing my embarrassing personal testimony! As God is my witness, it is the last time I ever touched myself except to go to the bathroom!  Glory!" Pastor exclaimed.

"I decided to share this sinful part of my life with you after learning that Hollywood was making a film out of the pornographic children's book that tore my family apart." Pastor and his father never reconciled. "My daddy burned my little bunny costume and never spoke to me again," he shared with churchgoers.  "I won't tell you where I got hold of this book as a child, But since then, I've burned every copy I've ever found after using it for a few minutes."

"It wasn't until I was much older and properly educated by attending several Baptist Bible Colleges, that I learned the book, Where the Wild Things Are, was written by a crazy homosexual!" Pastor continued. "And the only reason a homosexual has for writing any sort of a book, is to turn his readers into sodomites! A-men? My daddy might have had the gift of prophecy because he sure knew there was something sketchy about Where the Wild Things Are!"

Pastor continued to share with church members, a dark and backslidden time in his Christian life where his own father was so ashamed of him that he shipped him off to military school and several private Baptist Academies. "My daddy was no fool," Pastor said. "He knew that the sneaky, hairy creatures in that evil book, Where the Wild Things Are, were trying to teach his little boy how to masturbate! And by golly, anyone with a lick of sense today knows that self-abuse - masturbation - only leads to homosexuality!" Pastor was not invited back into his own home until he was 24-years-old and his father had passed away.

"I had some research done about this book after I heard there was a movie being made," Pastor continued. "And after sharing my testimony with some Baptist Child Psychologists, they tell me that the sole purpose of Where the Wild Things Are is to use the enticing qualities inherent in large, seemingly kind and soft furry creatures to lure little boys behind trees and masturbate themselves into a demonic frenzy which eventually leads to them to selecting homosexuality as a hobby!   What's even more disgusting about the film version of Where the Wild Things Are is that viewers will actually see a little boy beckoned behind a tree by the soothing voice of actor, James Gandolfini!  A voice I could only imagine as a child! What happens behind the tree, is thankfully kept off camera – but the explicit images it calls up in one’s mind are enough to shock even the most deviant predatory Catholic Priest!  Friends, it doesn't matter if this story is told in a book, or in a movie!  The result is still a shame!

Pastor issued an order by authority of the Board of Deacons that the movie, Where the Wild Things Are, is to be off-limits for all church members and their immediate saved families. "This book robbed 12-years of my life! And we're not bowing down to Satan nor any beast - no matter how large, furry, or delightfully enticing they might look or sound on digital film! Our Christian children will not be called upon to sin with you in bed nor wood, my hairy creatures!  Nor any other place for that matter, on God's Holy Earth!" Pastor exclaimed.

A tithe was taken up after Pastor's personal testimony. The money will be deposited into the existing funds allocated for the Study For the Prevention of Homosexual Lifestyle Choices in Conservative Christian Children at Landover Baptist's Creation Science Research Facility.