Our Pastor Explains Why Wiccan Hunting
is Important to the Lord Jesus:
"We don't condone killing anyone!" says Landover
Baptist Pastor, Deacon Fred. "Let's make that perfectly clear!
We're followers of Jesus and the New Testament - and as such, we're
under the New Covenant - that means we follow Christ, who fancied
torturing folks instead of simply killing them, like his Father, God did
in the Old Testament. The old law does not pass away - Jesus makes
that clear! He just wants us to take a more creative approach, and
goodness gracious me, Brother Hodge and his lovely wife, Patsy do just
that! .
Christians who are not familiar with the Holy Bible
(all denominations except for Baptist) should understand that
Brother Hodge simply provides a service to his fellow Christians who are
called to obey the Word of God and do the Lord's will. It never
ceases to amaze me though... all the horrible things the Wiccans get
away with! They steal our little children and brainwash
them into joining their covens! How many Christian families have
lost a child to these tree-dwelling nin-com-poops? How these
disgusting, hateful little perverts ever recived a 501(c), I'll never
understand! Their men-folk, and even their lady folk! think
nothing of squatting their morbid, obese rumps down in public and
defecating on private property! They even poop on the side-walks, right
in front of fancy church-goers on a Sunday morning - and then run off
into the woods, giggling that they just got away with persecuting us!"
Pastor Deacon Fred explains, "Wiccans continue to
use the woods that surround the Landover Baptist Church Community
(PRIVATE PROPERTY!) as their haunting grounds -building their so-called,
"tree-dwellings" and running naked through the night, cackling their
demonic songs around dangerous camp-fires that fail every county
ordinance! Thank the Lord it's still legal to unload a round of
buckshot into rear-end of a trespasser in the USA! And we can still honor the
Lord Jesus Christ (who came up with that nifty idea of "torturing
folks" instead of just 'killing folks' like his Daddy did). We
might not be as creative as Jesus Christ is - because he can torture
people forever and keep them alive inside a burning furnace, or even a
Lake full of fire - all we can do to respect Christ's wishes, and hope
that He looks down upon us with tears of delight is to make a Wiccan's life as miserable as humanly possible
while they reside on Earth! Jesus can have his own fun with them
after they pass into His playful hands. Shout Glory!"
Brother Hodge has the tools
every Christian family needs to enjoy a fun-filled night of True
Christian™ Wiccan hunting! They make perfect birthday or Christmas
presents!
"Sadly, since the Federal Government makes it
impossible for Christians to follow God's word completely without
ending up in jail (depending on which Judge you get in Freehold,
County) we are forced to improvise in order to continue
pleasing the Lord Jesus Christ and his Father, God."
- Brother Hodge