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Why Do
Mexican Women Like Mrs. Sotomayor Have Hairy Legs Like My Dog?
CHRISTIAN KIDS WANT TO KNOW!
 Dear
Pastor,
This morning our Sunday school
teacher told us that president Obama made a Soda Mayor into a powerful
Juge! And that she is a mexican, just like Lucy Ya who cleans our
house! I have lots of questions about sodas and mayors because I
like Dr. Pepper and I don't want to stop drinking it.
I also wonder why Obama
is juging people when the Bible says thou shall not juge.
But my biggest and imported question from what i learned from my
Sunday school teacher is that WHY? Why do mexican women like Mrs.
Soda Mayor have
hairy legs like a dog?
Timothy Brownsworth
Landover Baptist Sunday School
Age 15
Dear Timothy,
Thank you for your letter. At such a young age,
you have already developed an interest for current events!
In Isaiah 3:17, we learn that one of God's countless mood swings
resulted in a collateral miracle. He basically shaved every single hair
off the bodies of his female followers in a split second, without using
a razor because some ladies in town were wearing bells on their toes and
walking funny. We call it the "NAIR verse" here at
Landover Baptist.
"Because
the daughters of Zion
(True
Christian™ Females Today)
are
(were) haughty, and walk with stretched forth necks
and wanton eyes, walking and mincing as they go, and making
a tinkling with their feet:
Therefore the Lord will smite with a scab the crown of the
head of the daughters of Zion (True
Christian™ Females Today), and Jehovah
(God) will lay bare
(Shave) their secret parts
(Legs).
-Isaiah 3:16-17
This Bible verse teaches us that God shaved every last
hair (except for the head) on the bodies of His female
followers just because He didn't like the way they dressed
and walked!
Nowadays, True Christian™ females keep their secret parts bare
in order to keep the Lord's nasty temper in check.
So the answer to your question about why Mexican women have
hairy legs like a dog?
Any woman who has a single hair on their body, except
for on their head
(1 Corinthians 11:15) is
abhorrent to God. The Lord hates hairy females! It reminds Him of
the funny walking women in the Old Testament.
Rebellious females, like Mexican women, allow hair to grow on their legs, under their lips and
about their most secret parts. It is either because they can't
read English (The Holy Bible), and don't understand how God wants them
to look - or it is because they hate God and let hair grow on their legs
as a sign of their commitment to Satan.
Mrs. Sotomayor is guilty on
all counts! As such, she is living in rebellion against our Holy
God. She must confess Christ and shave her legs or she will spend
eternity in Hell.
Pastor Deacon Fred
Landover Baptist Church
P.S.
Since you attended a very advanced Baptist
Sunday School class, I think you need some explanation in order to
understand what you've learned . You will have all of your other
questions answered.
First of all, you misunderstood the
pronunciation of a foreign name. As you see from my response, your
teacher was referring to a very hairy Mexican woman called, "Sotomayor."
You can keep calling her whatever you want to though. As
Americans, we speak English, and you shouldn't give a lick about any
other language. The Bible was written in English - and that's what Jesus
speaks. We'll be speaking English in Heaven, so it's a waste of
time to learn how to speak in any other language.
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