Beverly Hills Chihuahuas: Finally, An Educational Film About Mexicans the Whole Family Can Enjoy!

PLEASE NOTE: THE VIEWS STATED IN THIS FILM REVIEW ABSOLUTELY DO REFLECT THE OPINONS AND BELIEFS OF EACH MEMBER OF THE LANDOVER BAPTIST CHURCH

Freehold, Iowa - Christian families in the Landover Baptist community will be treated to an advance screening of the new Mexican American Educational film, Beverly Hills Chihuahuas. "We really want to make this film mandatory viewing for our church members who have hired Mexican help over the years," says Pastor Deacon Fred. "Sure, we all have a pretty good hunch about where steaming pile of poop on our new living room carpet came from, but this movie is about more than assuaging our suspicions.  As God is my witness, if your Christian family has recently hired a Mexican maid or gardener, or if you are thinking about getting your home painted by Mexicans, this film will prepare you and educate you about not only what to expect, but also what to watch out for!"

A script for the film was sent to the Landover Baptist Society for the Study of Inferior Cultures several weeks ago. "We thought it was too good to be true," said Pastor Hector Wilkins, a former Mexican working closely with Christian educators to develop Landover's new elementary school cultural studies curriculum. "I've been telling people for years that observing a Chihuahua for about 10-minutes can teach us more about Mexicans than any program we could ever come up with. Praise Jesus! My prayers have been answered!"

"Those sly Jewish executives in Hellywood must have dangled enough jalapeños to feed a busload of greasy border-hoppers at casting call, cause this film is chock-full of Latinos," said Pastor Deacon Fred. "Having all them Mexicans on board really adds authenticity to the picture. I gotta tell you, when you hear a Mexican accent coming out of a Chihuahua's mouth, it really solidifies one's pre-conceived notions about Mexican language, behavior, appearance, and basically what drives these sad faced little bug-eyed creatures to do the things they do in order to get ahead in the world! Oh, shout Glory!"

"The cast reads like a who's who list of Mexicans someone felt sorry enough for to give a real job," says Pastor. "Real life south of the border styling celebrities like; Andy Garcia, George Lopez, Cheech Marin, Paul Rodriguez, and Salma Hayek (who my wife says is perfect, because she has such a pinched up little face, she already looked like a Chihuahua so they saved money on prosthetics) were more than eager to lend their funny accents to the snouts of the movie's main characters.  I've been told that the film is about a pack of Chihuahuas (Mexicans) who try to cross over the border when they find out that young, angel-white skinned girls like Paris Hilton can give them gourmet scraps and a good life in Beverly Hills as pets (or as we call them: servants).  The theme of the film directly parallels the real life sneaky dreams and hopes of the poor little loveable hairy Mexicans down south.  Why, I've even taken to calling our gardener, Tito, my little Chihuahua already," Pastor joked. "And I ain't even seen the doggone movie yet!  Glory to God!"

"I remember not too long ago, there was a silly controversy surrounding the Taco Bell Chihuahua," Pastor told a closed meeting of Deacons earlier this week. "The Mary-Worshipping Mexicans thought they were being stereotyped, and Taco Bell actually pulled thousands of commercial spots. Well, times do change. And those Mexicans who were upset have likely gotten themselves into some adult remedial education in the evenings after cleaning toilets all day.  So they learned good about their place in life and how to be content with it. My guess is that they just decided to get on board for a movie that lets kids know its okay to check off Chihuahua next to Mexican on their next analogy exam. I look forward to hearing my grandchildren shout, Look Grandpa!  a talking Chihuahua! every time they see a Mexican on TV.

"I think everyone who sees the movie will agree," says Pastor Deacon Fred, "Beverly Hills Chihuahuas is a film that not only educates and informs decent, hard-working real Americans about the culture, history, mannerisms, and subtle deviance of the funny-talking, curious little servants the good Lord blessed us with, but it is an affirmation from influential Latin American actors who somehow managed to find real jobs that it is a-ok to embrace the Chihuahua as a symbol of everything Mexican. Now I know why our old maid, Maria Hernandez (God rest her Pope-loving, rosary bead-counting soul) drank out of our toilet! Glory!"

Important Update For Landover Baptist University Students:

Landover Baptist University students who have registered for the fall semester course: "Latin American Cultural Studies" will receive a full 3 credits for the course if they bring in a movie ticket stub from the film, "Beverly Hills Chihuahuas."  This will allow students to register for an additional class this semester.  Please check with your counselors as "Latin American Cultural Studies" will be removed from the Fall curriculum and blotted from the University catalogue going forward.

 

 

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